Apr 28, 2011

12 ways "it" can die

Rejoice lovers of football and lovers of humanity in general. Probability of Mourinho dying soon ain't so bad.

1) He speaks so much (without any pause whatsoever) at a post match conference that he dies of dehydration.

2) For once he actually decides to think about strategies related to playing football rather than breaking shins and his little brain explodes due to overwhelming complexity of all that.

3) He actually kicks a football for the first time in his life , and his body just capitulates under the enormous task that it is for him.

4) A disgruntled Real Madrid fan or any random bored person who has had enough of his bitching just pops one in his nose that he bleeds to death.

5) Pepe tackles him in one of the training sessions.

6) His luck runs out and club owners decide that they need to hire somebody with a brain to coach players worth hundreds of millions of dollars and he is unemployed and poor and dies a beggar outside one of the gates of Stamford Bridge.

7) Portuguese government sanctions its first mercy-killing for a patient suffering from an extreme case of schizophrenia.

8) TATR(The Association of Tortured Referees) decide to take the matter in their own hands and terminate him by whistling in his ears non-stop for 5 hours.

9) Media suddenly becomes intelligent and starts ignoring him and he hangs himself leaving behind a lengthy suicide note as a last ditch attempt to seek attention.

10) He tries to out-pout Ronaldo and bursts his facial muscles.

11) Lightning strikes him when he is doing one of his post-win stadium ostrich runs.

12) His own son kills him because he wouldn't allow him to get this tattoo:"I wish Pep was my father."

Personally I would prefer either No. 1 because it would make a funny Youtube video or No. 6 because it is slow and painful - the way I would like. Well, I won't be choosy and pop up the champagne in any case.

3 comments:

Shreyan M L said...

Humour's back :-)

Manan said...

Mourinho may not bring the best out of his players but he definitely brings the best out of me :P

Rajesh said...

you should be writing a lot more :-)

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