Jun 13, 2011

Pessimists vs Optimists

" Optimists think that we live in one of the best possible worlds. Pessimists know we do."

This is a pretty smart quote which I read in a maths/physics book of all the places( I don't think it's an original and I might have heard it earlier).

Nevertheless, the more important point is that this quote implies what I have always suspected : Pessimists are a more learned lot than their counterparts.

PS: Keep a lookout for all the science journals, one of them will be publishing a study on this soon.

May 26, 2011

Haiku:Part 2

Obama killed
Osama thrilled
We don't care

Things to do before thirty
Half to remain unchecked
Things to do before forty

FCB VS ManU
they play
I lose sleep

Tata speaks..
Indians work hard
Don't work at Tatas

Platinum Credit Card
Medi-claim Policy
Do Not Disturb

His, yours, mine
Job hunt
our favourite pastime

Facebook for losers
Twitter for poseurs
Hey, add me

Earthquake in Japan
Scam in India
Good Morning

Communists down in Bengal
Socialists down in Spain
Time for siesta

Volcano in Iceland
What a pretty sight
from the airport

Higher education
addition, subtraction and presentation
90% of jobs

Shane Warne
Pink Balls
Gentleman's game

24 hour news channels
with 24 minutes
of news

Apr 28, 2011

12 ways "it" can die

Rejoice lovers of football and lovers of humanity in general. Probability of Mourinho dying soon ain't so bad.

1) He speaks so much (without any pause whatsoever) at a post match conference that he dies of dehydration.

2) For once he actually decides to think about strategies related to playing football rather than breaking shins and his little brain explodes due to overwhelming complexity of all that.

3) He actually kicks a football for the first time in his life , and his body just capitulates under the enormous task that it is for him.

4) A disgruntled Real Madrid fan or any random bored person who has had enough of his bitching just pops one in his nose that he bleeds to death.

5) Pepe tackles him in one of the training sessions.

6) His luck runs out and club owners decide that they need to hire somebody with a brain to coach players worth hundreds of millions of dollars and he is unemployed and poor and dies a beggar outside one of the gates of Stamford Bridge.

7) Portuguese government sanctions its first mercy-killing for a patient suffering from an extreme case of schizophrenia.

8) TATR(The Association of Tortured Referees) decide to take the matter in their own hands and terminate him by whistling in his ears non-stop for 5 hours.

9) Media suddenly becomes intelligent and starts ignoring him and he hangs himself leaving behind a lengthy suicide note as a last ditch attempt to seek attention.

10) He tries to out-pout Ronaldo and bursts his facial muscles.

11) Lightning strikes him when he is doing one of his post-win stadium ostrich runs.

12) His own son kills him because he wouldn't allow him to get this tattoo:"I wish Pep was my father."

Personally I would prefer either No. 1 because it would make a funny Youtube video or No. 6 because it is slow and painful - the way I would like. Well, I won't be choosy and pop up the champagne in any case.

Feb 16, 2011

Build up to the big game

The censor board has changed the certification for the Arsenal - Barcelona match at Emirates Stadium from PG( U/A) to U -well obviously, now that Bacary Sagna is suspended for the game.

Look at him - somebody recommend him to those people at Monsters Inc. Spare the little Chintu- Mintu (who have just started to embrace football) this horror. Also now that he won't be there - Arsenal fans can even cut the team photo from the newspaper tomorrow and "dress up" their walls.

The Board's decision should be applauded.There is no other reason why little kids can't watch this game. I mean where else would you see such beautiful,violence-free, nudity-free, profanity-free, sex-free football. There are no Italians who just need an excuse to remove their shirts and ... shorts, there is no John Heitinga or Mathieu Flamini or Zinedine Zidane who may cause cracked shins, bloody skulls or heart attacks on field and there is no Didier Drogba who may utter a motherfucker- or two on camera. Also, there are no Paul Scholes and Gary Neville with their on-field lovemaking - no seriously - what else is this: THE KISS ( Please click on the link - I am obviously not going to put that picture here. They might very well change the name from Old Trafford to Brokeback Mountain )

Oh and yes Sir Nicklas Bendtner - YOU ARE GOD. The spectators, the fans, the manager, your mother or even the ball may not be able to see it - but I do. You are a legend, THE best player to have ever played this game. Sad that we may not even be able to see you play today.

And is it only me, or you also think that old nursery rhymes are losing their relevance in modern families. I mean which kid wants to know about a farmer these days? So I'll suggest something new- we'll keep the vibe and the tune, we'll just change the lyrics.

Old Arsenal had a club
E-I-E-I-O

And in that club they had a manager

eww-Y-eww-Y-Oh!

With a "moan-moan" here and a "moan-moan" there
Here a "moan", there a "moan"

Everywhere a "moan-moan"

Old Arsenal had a club

E-I-E-I-O


Well this post was not supposed to take a pot shot at Arsenal F.C. I really like Arsenal. Agreed, they have Sagna, Bendtner and Wenger but I still like them. It's just that I like FC Barcelona a bit more. Sad, that there are no real characters in FCB - Pique was one but now that Shakira is his girlfriend you can't even make fun of him.

PS: Somebody needs to torture( extra points for this) and kill those fucking idiots who supposedly do the game analysis on Ten Sports/Action. I am OK, even if Barca concedes the first leg to Arsenal if all 3 of them ( or at least the one on the left and one on the right to the one in the center) die of heart attacks.

Mind-boggling Science Fiction 3

Me to my personal Artificially Intelligent buddy, Rocket:  Rocket, can you do this calculation for me. What's 7 + 4? Rocket: Dude, d...