Sep 25, 2009

News!

They found water on moon! What the fuck did Neil Armstrong and party do on Moon? Jump around, take photos, come back and become legends? I mean what the fuck. All this time we were wasting our time searching for water on that planet. Oh what an anti-climax.All this while, aliens on the moon may be watching you cheating in the exams or bathing in the shower using household binoculars.

Rani Mukherjee says that she'll quit acting if "Dil Bole Hadippa" doesn't do well. And my faith in God is renewed.

Talking about Gods, Messi is now the best paid player in the history of football. And from the first few games of the season it seems he has ..hold your breath..improved his game further.
Also, Xavi lost the ball in the last match, first time since 2006.

Champions trophy is the most awaited cricket event of the year - i mean that's what ESPN- Star Sports tells us every other minute. Oh wait, breaking news coming from Australia, oh and England , and from South Africa and Pakistan, India too. Ponting is saying it, Pietersen is saying it, even Gavaskar is saying it( this must be really big!) : "One day cricket is a kind of game where the team which plays better on the day wins!!" . Ah, what novelty - especially considering that in Basketball the team that played better yesterday wins, in football the team that played better two weeks back wins and in hockey the team that plays worse on the day wins.

Finally, Fidel Castro praises an American President ! According to him Obama had the courage to admit that developed nations have fucked up the environment beyond recognition. Castro must have been a really attentive student in his childhood days, if he could catch that from Obama's emotionally enlightening speech - "We can.. blah blah ....yawn.. change is inevitable...blah blah... the time has come... blah.. we can.. blah.. change... yawn ... stop people like me from uttering so much of nonsensical globe to contain global warming.. blah..".

Our home minister says that Common Wealth Games is an opportunity for Delhiites to change their "behavioral pattern". True. They'll learn to cope with rejection. Not that CWG committee is very sexy anyway.

Air chief Marshal says that Chinese have a better air-force than India! That's really encouraging. No seriously.At least we have an air-force! I thought all our planes had crashed in trial runs only.

From 2nd October onwards bastards will be spelt as basterds as a mark of respect. That's when "Inglourious Basterds" releases in India.

Swine Flu is suddenly feeling ignored. Come on people have some heart - force a sneeze here and there, report to a news channel that the truck hitting the pedestrian was not the real cause of his death- swine flu was, do a bonfire of Tamiflus, eat some half-cooked pork, do something!

6 comments:

Shreyan M L said...

You should get yourself a job of a sports critic or critic of any kind .. sooner :) LOL for the post :)

Vimal said...

:)

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! I agree with Shreyan ML

theishu said...

Whoa... that was a whirlwind ramble, reeking of ADD

Just kidding, dude. Nice monologue :P

Anonymous said...

Talking to yourself i see!
-Richa

AK said...

Excellent work done... loved the sattires..
- Anu

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