Jul 31, 2008

Mind-boggling Science Fiction

Voice from the Radio: Hello, I am a resident of planet Tribe2453. In other words I am an alien for you people.

Me: Hi

Voice from the Radio: Just Hi? Anyway, you need not be scared of me, my intentions are purely exploratory. I am just a child on my planet, and this is part of our school assignment , which was to study the culture of some third world planet and then make a detailed presentation in the class.

Me(bored): So what do you want from me?

Voice from the Radio: I will just reside in your mind for 6 months.We have the technology for that and it's a totally unintrusive method. You won't feel a thing and continue to live a normal life.

Me: Why me? Go reside in Nelson Mandela's mind or Oprah Winfrey's mind. You'll get a better perspective. I am nobody.

Voice from the Radio: I selected you from the Random Human Generator.And, you are as good as anybody for my study.

Me(getting irritated): No. I don't want to be a part of it.Get lost.

Voice from the Radio(surprised): You don't have to be rude. I was just requesting you.

Me(getting really pissed): Ok I'll say it politely : Why don't you go and fuck yourself.

Voice from the Radio(shocked):Now you are swearing in front of a child!Don't you have any shame?

Me(hysterical): Child? Where? Oh you .. fucking son of a fucking alien bitch.

Voice from the Radio(sobbing): That's it. I am destroying Earth.I don't care if i get a 'D' in my assignment.

And so, our beloved planet earth met its premature end due to one reckless human being.


Jul 28, 2008

Today I am going to make a bold statement.

But first some background.

I have only ONE obsession in life - Music. Yes, I have seen many, really many movies. Yes, I have even walked 1.5 kms at 1 A.M. in the night to a friend's place and woke him up from his blissful sleep because I wanted to see Barca- Real football match and my cable-wallah had suddenly decided to take ESPN off. Still, Music is/has been my only obsession.

I have loved so many bands over all these years, loved so many songs;but never thought of saying such a thing, ACTUALLY never dared to say such a thing, which is this :

FAKE PLASTIC TREES by Radiohead is the best song I have ever heard.

And I say this now, after having heard it millions of time over so many years.
I don't want to degrade Fake Plastic Trees by giving justifications. But I see no reason why anyone who is alive should not like it. ACTUALLY: I see no reason why anyone should NOT like it and still be alive.

If you have never heard it, do yourself a HUGE favor- Buy "The Bends" CD , or download the high quality mp3 from the internet, or watch it on youtube, or give me your email address, or request it in a pub, do something NOW. Believe me, you would have done something worthwhile after a long long time.


Her green plastic watering can
For her fake Chinese rubber plant
In the fake plastic earth.
That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans
To get rid of itself.
It wears her out, it wears her out.

She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns.
He used to do surgery
For girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins.
And it wears him out, it wears him out.
It wears him out, it wears him out.

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love.
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run.
And it wears me out, it wears me out.
It wears me out, it wears me out.

And if I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
All the time, all the time.
Oh, oh.

Jul 20, 2008

The Dark Knight

I like you Mr. Christopher Nolan, but I like Batman more. Yes, I have serious issues with The Dark Knight. I liked your movie but right now I may go to ridiculous extents to ridicule it. Let's get few things straight:

There are NO superheroes in real life. So why these desperate attempts to make a realistic Batman? What's the need for Bruce Wayne to speak in a ridiculous heavy voice when he is wearing the suit? Does it add authenticity? Oh, try breaking some bones of Batman or making him crippled for life when he jumps from a 40 storeyed building to add authenticity next time.

Gotham is not a real city. And it is the mother of all DARK corrupt crime-plagued cities. I don't remember when was the last time we saw daylight in Gotham city like you have shown in your movies. And what's with Batman going to Hong Kong? Are we supposed to care about rest of the world too? What next? Batman will stop driving the Bat-mobile due to rising Oil prices?

The adversaries of Batman are supposed to be brilliant,eccentric people who have definite plans of world domination or large scale homicide. Not some random guy who just wants to kill all people with a machine gun. Where is the technology which will hypnotize all the people of Gotham? Where are the chemicals which bring out your darkest fears? Oh, I forgot, these things don't happen in a real world. But believe me a quintessential villain of a cult superhero series chasing trucks and shooting them with rocket launchers looks very CHEAP.

And by the way, last time I checked Joker is supposed to be a funny guy. Damn scary, but funny. A truly multidimensional character. Not a plain cold blooded psycho. For that I'll watch Javier Bardem in No country For Old Men. But then, we are not supposed to be critical of the acting of a person who is dead.

We are over-awed by the moral dilemmas of Batman already. We don't need to bother ourselves with the moral dilemmas of common people. You know what I am talking about: I didn't particularly like the boat scene.

Batman ladies are supposed to look ravishing. Say, Kim Basingerly ravishing. Even Nicole Kidman looked her best in one of the Batman movies. Maggie Gyllenhaal was far from ravishing( particularly in this movie). But then,which beautiful lady in a real world will fall for a creep dressed like a bat?

Even the transformation of Harvy Dent to Two-Face was not very convincing.

There was this Basin City . More corrupt and much darker than Gotham City.
But when Basin City was brought to life in a movie-form it was magnificent, not realistic but magnificent. Watch Sin City Mr. Nolan and take some inspiration. That is what a comic book adaptation ought to be.

I like Tim Burton's version of Batman much better.
But if you ask me which Batman movie I love the most : I'll say Mask of the Phantasm.

Jul 12, 2008

Something I don't understand

This happens in movies all the time : The bad guy threatens the heroine that if she doesn't tell the hero that she doesn't love him, he will kill him.
Even in Spiderman 3.

The heroine gets scared and is ready to sacrifice her love for her love. And so she tells the hero that she doesn't love him anymore and is having sex with someone else while villain watches all this from behind a tree with a cruel sense of satisfaction. So far so good.

Now what I don't understand is why can't the heroine give a call to hero after say half an hour and tell him the truth. It's not that the bad guy is tapping her mobile calls or something ( she IS anyway shown talking to the hero and hurting him more and more). Hero can obviously keep on pretending that he is hurt to fool the bad guy. Oh come on, he is the bloody Spider-man - if he can save the world , he surely can act a little.

But then there are so many other things in the movies which we don't understand like how can John Abraham and Josh Hartnett always remain so sexy even if they are playing poor, old, crippled nincompoops.If you didn't get it, there was an unbelievable amount of sarcasm and contempt hidden in the previous statement.

Jul 7, 2008

Once in a Lifetime Kind of Stuff *

I saw 100% Solar Eclipse from my naked eyes.

I saw Spain lift the Euro Cup.

I saw probably the best ever Tennis match which would have given me a heart-attack if I was 65. The match left me incredibly sad though**



* I hope not for the sake of Spain
** Federer will win again. This year. Next year. Next to next year. French Open too. If trophies & records are the only proof that you need to believe, he will have them. He will.

Jul 2, 2008

How to save Planet Earth?

Tell Everybody To Read KURT VONNEGUT.


Slumdog Millionaire

Danny Boyle is one of the best and definitely the most versatile director of this generation. These are the movies he has directed till now( I have seen all!) :

1) Shallow Grave ( One of the most ignored movies ever! A psychological thriller! A masterpiece!)
2) Trainspotting ( Well what can I say. The best DRUGS movie. One of the greatest movies EVER.)
3) A Life Less Ordinary ( An underrated, amazingly COOL Romantic Comedy)
4) The Beach( Again an underrated & unique adventure-thriller)
5) 28 Days Later( The best ZOMBIE movie ever)
6) Millions( The best FAMILY movie ever)
7) Sunshine( The best Sci-Fi movie in recent times. Since1997(Contact & Gattaca) to be precise)

And when Danny Boyle decides to direct a movie shot in India , with Indian actors and based on Kaun Banega Crorepati, we must take notice.

Slumdog Millionaire : "A comedy centered around an illiterate kid who looks to become a contestant on the Hindi version of Who Wants to be A Millionaire in order to re-establish contact with the girl he loves, who is an ardent fan of the show."
It stars Dev Patel(who?), Irrfan Khan( obviously) , Anil Kapoor( well) and Freida Pinto(who?)

Mind-boggling Science Fiction 3

Me to my personal Artificially Intelligent buddy, Rocket:  Rocket, can you do this calculation for me. What's 7 + 4? Rocket: Dude, d...