Jun 27, 2008

Haiku

pass the ball
beautiful football
way Spain play

He killed a man
He surrendered
He killed the suspense

Monsoon
Poet writes a poem
I wash my clothes

I slapped a girl
She slapped me back
News these days

My friends
They tease me
I also tease them

If TV
is an idiot box
then I am an idiot

Leaking tap in the next room
Makes some sound
I am lazy

Anti-Glare Lens
I spend more
Eyes still ache

Overrated
Overhyped
Ronaldo

Up,up,up
Down, down, down
Stock Market last year and this year

Radiohead makes music
Pearl Jam makes music
Others copy

I drink beer
I lose control and
I feel happy

Pepsi without the fizz
is like Coca-Cola
without the fizz

HP DV-1000
My hot laptop
My burnt laptop

Crisp Notes
Crashed Windows
Bill Gates

This
is addictive
I can go on and on and on

To hell with
Haiku aficionados
who think I murdered the art

Jun 24, 2008

Overheard

Characters:
Ronaldo: Christiano Ronaldo ( Portugal & Manchester United)
AAFL: An Average Football Lover

Ronaldo: I am best in the world.
AAFL: Who says so?
Ronaldo: The whole world.
AAFL: Hmm..no. Italians say Kaka is the best, Spanish say Messi is the best , Germans say Ribery is the best, and now Russians say Arshavin is the best.
Ronaldo: Oh is it? But here in England wherever I read, wherever I hear , they say I am the best. They can't be foolish. England is a football loving country and is known for its fair judgments.
AAFL: hmm.. yeah English people do say that. But English people also said that Alan Shearer was the best striker in the world at the time of Baggio and Ronaldo.
Ronaldo: Who? I don't know these players.Sorry my history is weak.
AAFL: Yeah, I figured that part.. when you were talking about England and...
Ronaldo(interrupting): And there was another Ronaldo playing football earlier? Is he dead now?
AAFL: Dead! No. He is injured. He is still playing for Milan. And well he is considered by many as the best striker( perhaps the best player) ever.
Ronaldo: Is it? Was he better than Pele, Maradona and ME!!!??
AAFL( trying to be polite) : Hmm... probably.
Ronaldo: Oh it can't be ! Look at the number of goals I scored this season. Manchester United won the Premier League and the Champions League because of ME.
AAFL( losing his patience) : And still ManU barely won the league and barely won the champions league. In Fact Chelsea was the better team in the Finals! And remember you missed the penalty too! You tend to get nervous.
Ronaldo : Nervous and me? Are you serious? I have scored so many penalties. It was just once that I missed.
AAFL: You missed against Barcelona too in the semis. Remember?
Ronaldo : Every great player makes mistakes. I am not GOD you see.But I have made up for all those by scoring so many goals.
AAFL: But don't you think ManU could have scored more goals if you had remained a Midfielder which was your assigned role, and not try to be a striker. And could luck have played a little role in your success?
Ronaldo: What nonsense are you talking. I was awesome , always. Thats why all the defenders were so scared of me;they kicked me and fouled me again and again.
AAFL: Well, if you had passed more and ran less........
Ronaldo: Oh you shut up. What do you know about football. The best club on earth - Real Madrid - is planning to buy me for 100 million dollars . Do you even know that 100 million has 4 zeroes in it!
AAFL: Who says Real Madrid is the best club on earth?
Ronaldo: I say that. And if it is not, it will be when I join them.I'll show all Messi supporters who is the best.
AAFL: But many people think that Messi is more talented and he played better than you in the Champions League... but we'll leave that. I think Real Madrid is buying you to sell more T-Shirts than for footballing reasons.
Ronaldo: What rubbish. But yeah , you are right I will sell more T-shirts. After all I am so drop dead gorgeous. I have charmed so many hookers and Bipasha Basu with my good looks and smooth moves.
AAFL: I have also charmed those hookers and Bipasha Basu and I paid less than you!
Ronaldo: You are jealous,disrespectful and arrogant. One day you'll understand and that day is not far.
AAFL: You are dumb, disloyal and greedy. One day you'll be disillusioned and that day is very near.
Ronaldo: I don't like you.
AAFL. I don't like you.

PS: I don't like Ronaldo.

Itch

Few months back I had posted on how I longed to see No Country For Old Men. Although the movie didn't turn out to be as good as I had expected but still it had plenty of kickass-ness and it even got the Oscar.
Coen brothers have done it AGAIN. Yes, there is Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight , David Fincher's The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Guy Ritchie's Rocknrolla , but the movie which I JUST can't wait to watch is Burn After Reading.
It is a crime-comedy and reminds me of Big Lebowski , even Lock,Stock & Two Smoking Barrels!
It stars Brad Pitt ( he is one actor whose movies are never ever bad) , George Clooney, John Malkovich,Frances Mcdormand(obviously) & Tilda Swinton.


Watch the hilarious trailer here : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tEDPZNWG4o

Jun 9, 2008

My PUB

Enter: Place is dimly lit. Several lamps are strategically placed that may be used later to give psychedelic effects. There are several large screens on the walls, in fact even the roof is a dome shaped screen. Sound System is top-notch.

Announcement: Hello All, welcome to the Pink Floyd night at Chrono-Synclastic Infundibulum. If you haven't googled for the meaning of the pub yet, let me tell you that Chrono-Synclastic Infundibulum was a term used by Kurt Vonnegut in one of his novels.We assume that you are all Pink Floyd fans since you paid 1000 rupees cover charge and cleared the basic Pink Floyd Quiz at the entrance. We are sorry for your friends who couldn't make it.Here we want to clarify that we are not acting prudish or anything but this pub is meant for serious music lovers. We wanted to keep out certain type of people : "Hey! I needed some air conditioned place to meet my friends" , "Hey look at me, I am so cool... I listen to Pink Floyd" etc will qualify as these type of people. But at the same time we want Pink Floyd's music to reach more & more number of people , thats why we kept the quiz simple: "Name any seven Pink Floyd songs" , " Write 2 lines from any Pink Floyd song other than Another Brick In the Wall 2 & Coming Back to Life" , "Is Roger Waters Dead (Y/N)"? , " Do you like the band Good Charlotte(Y/N)?" etc.
So are you ready for the Pink Floyd Experience? ................ ( Applause)
Please Note that NO SONG REQUEST will be entertained.
Let the Music begin.

Playing :
1) Marooned ( Division Bell ) ( Breathtaking Scenery on the screens)
2) Speak to me/Breathe ( Dark Side of the Moon)
3) On the Turning Away ( A Momentary Lapse of Reason)

Announcement : You are about to hear original unabridged Echoes which is 23 minutes long. If anyone of you think that it might be too long or too boring for you , you may take your full refund from the entrance - No Questions asked. Thank you for joining us.

Playing :
4) Echoes ( Meddle)
5) Mother ( The Wall)
6) Time( Dark Side of the Moon)
7) Brain Damage / Eclipse ( Dark Side of the Moon)

Announcement : We urge you to order whatever it takes you to reach higher state of mind other than the music obviously : Booze, Tobacco, Marijuana , LSD , food or water. Now is the time.

Playing :
8) Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun( A Saucerful of Secrets)
9) Astronomy Domine ( Piper at the Gates of Dawn)
10) One of these Days( Meddle)
11) Shine on You Crazy Diamond 1 & 2( Wish You were Here)
12) Comfortably Numb ( The Wall)

Announcement : We know that you have had a mind-boggling experience till now. We understand that for some of you this "Psychedelic Awesomeness" might have been too much to handle. Hence we'll play some catchy, relatively "less demanding" songs now. These will help you regain your breath. Some of you may even feel like dancing but as you would have read the rules printed on your Menu Card : " Dancing will not be tolerated ". However , you may rotate your head, rapidly blink your eyes, tap your neck : these won't count as dancing.

Playing :
13) Arnold Layne ( Relics)
14) Another Brick in the Wall 1 ( The Wall)
15) Happiest Days of our Lives / Another Brick in the Wall 2 ( The Wall )
16) Pigs - Three Different Ones ( Animals )
17) Have a Cigar ( Wish You Were Here)

Announcement: People, this is to remind you that you can buy Pink Floyd merchandise from our store just outside the Music area, but only after the music for the night is over. Merchandise includes Pink Floyd CDs , DVDs , T-shirts and memorabilia. You can also consult our expert panel for advice on sound system, acoustics , lighting arrangements worthy of Pink Floyd Music that can be setup in your house. There is a surprise for you ! We are having a lucky draw and the winner gets to meet David Gilmour or Roger Waters depending on his choice.

Playing:
18) Hey You( The Wall )
19) Sorrow( A Momentary Lapse of Reason)
20) High Hopes ( Division Bell)
21) Wearing the Inside Out( Division Bell)
22) If(Atom Heart Mother)

Announcement: Thank you all very much. Actually we are sure that the feeling is reciprocative.You can join us again next Friday for Pink Floyd - Redux. There you'll listen to songs from albums which we missed out on this week due to time constraints. Also you'll get to see some really rare video footages of Pink Floyd. All of you who are present today will get 50% discount on everything next Friday. Some great news : We'll have a Pearl Jam night tomorrow and Radiohead night the day after. We guarantee you a similar experience.

Playing:
23) Wish You Were Here ( Wish You Were Here)

PS:From The Sirens of Titan: " Chrono means time. Synclastic means curved towards the same side in all directions,like the skin of an orange.Infundibulum is what the ancient Romans like Julius Caesar and Nero called a funnel."


Jun 4, 2008

Life is Puzzles

From time to time in our life we are faced with puzzles, some of them even having achieved CULT status , by virtue of their difficulty level ,their commercial value , their importance or their uniqueness.
I am sure at least 10,000 people would have asked you this( however lame you might have thought it was even at that time) when you were a kid:
Let, x= 1,
then, x^2 = x
x^2 - 1 = x-1
(x-1)(x+1) = (x-1)
or x+1 = 1
or 2=1. How?

Then the classic waiter puzzle : 3 of you go to a restaurant and your bill comes out to be 27. So you pay the waiter 30 rupees(10 rupees each). But the manager finds a totaling mistake and says to the waiter that bill is 25 rupees and not 27 rupees. The smart ass waiter thinks how will they divide 5 rupees among them, so he keeps 2 rupees with himself and gives back 3 rupees. So effectively, all 3 of you have paid 9 rupees each , that makes it 9 * 3 = 27 rupees. 2 rupees are with the waiter , so it makes 27 + 2 = 29 rupees. You had initially paid 30 rupees , so where has 1 rupee disappeared?

And surely this one made me scratch my head:
You die and find yourself standing in front of 2 gates. 1 leads to hell and the other leads to heaven. There are 2 gatekeepers , 1 of them always speaks the truth and other one always speaks the lie. BUT the catch is you don't know which is which. You have to ask ONLY 1 question to ONLY 1 gatekeeper and find out which gate leads to heaven!

You grow up, and puzzles change.
Oh, who wouldn't have heard of the great puzzle which couldn't be solved for almost 400 years. I am talking about Fermat's Last Theorem : x^n + y^n = z^n is not possible for any integer n>2.
I remember watching Andrew Wiles explain his proof on Discovery Channel. I didn't understand a fuck but I still clapped.

And then our Calculus days , where again some people tried to prove that 2=1.
We know that,
x^2 = x+x+x+...... ( x times)
Differentiating both the sides w.r.t. x
2x = 1+1+1+...(x times)
or 2x =x
or 2=1!

There was a time when I was obsessed with Time Travel ; and obviously the paradoxes! What if I go back and kill myself! And then there was this amazing short story : All You Zombies by Robert Heinlein : " A woman undergoes a sex change, goes back in time and impregnates his previous self( girl) and is born as the offspring! So basically this guy is both his mother and father!!! And then there were others of himself too." Phew. You have to read it!

There are puzzles of seemingly great importance like how can universe expand all the time, or how does human consciousness work( which Roger Penrose tried to explain, and I tried to read)
Then there is a mind boggling question -WHAT is the meaning of LIFE - which Monty Python tried to explain or which KURT Vonnegut almost found an answer to : "We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different."

Douglas Adams
found a mind boggling answer to some important question though - 42.

But there is one thing that has been puzzling me for so many years, and that is how come SPAIN has the best football squad in Europe , if not in the world and still it fails to win or even do well in any major tournament. And moreover WHY I keep supporting them.


PS: I'll be supporting Spain in EURO 2008. Italy, France & Germany should be the other 3 semi-finalists.

Mind-boggling Science Fiction 3

Me to my personal Artificially Intelligent buddy, Rocket:  Rocket, can you do this calculation for me. What's 7 + 4? Rocket: Dude, d...