Dec 17, 2008

4+43+25+28

If you are so used to excel sheets that it is taking you more time to calculate the sum of the numbers in the header than to read this sentence, you are on your way to prove all those scientists,filmmakers, songwriters and authors who talked about machines taking over us in future right. (OK, sentence was too long. No need to get optimistic).
Anyway the point is: Sum = 100. 4,43,25,28 is not a random combination of numbers and if you look towards the right side of the page under "Blog Archive" you will see the same numbers.
This is my 100th post!
And my first post was on the same day : Dec 17. (Coincidence eh? I swear to god I did not plan this).
December 17,2005 - 3 fucking years and I believed I get bored with things quickly. I am not sure why I believed what I believed 'coz I have also watched every episode of That 70s show thrice ( on an average). And I suspect that thrice is a very conservative estimate.
That makes it about (8 * 24 * 3 * 22 / 60) = 211.2 HOURS on That 70s show alone. How much free time have I had in life ? Scary.Satisfying at the same time.

Dec 8, 2008

Make some noise Camp Nou


Can you spot the lowest point in the graph? That was when FC Barcelona bought a young Brazilian called Ronaldinho.Although he was injured for the first half of the season, he came back later when Barca was languishing in the 2nd half of the table and almost single-handedly led to an astonishing turnaround. Barca finished 2nd .That was when world took notice of Ronaldinho. Me too. That was also the time when my love affair with FC Barcelona started. Next two seasons Barca won the Liga.In style. They won Champions League too. 2006-07 & 2007-08( yeah that extended line I made in paint) were two seasons when Barca woefully underperformed and even then I was unwavering in my devotion for them. That is when I realized that my football club loyalty had come of age.

Ronaldinho is gone. Barca is back. Camp Nou is back too. When we were becoming used to the sight of the half empty stadium ( that would still be 50,000 people) with people waving white handkerchiefs(Traditional way to show disgust in Spain) Barca decided to start playing well. Obscenely well.And Saturday night when I started watching Barca-Valencia at 2.30 A.M. in a half-asleep state I was completely awakened in few minutes. I am not sure what it was - scintillating display of football or the packed & noisy Camp Nou. There were roars, there were chants. Yes Messi still has the largest share of chants & understandably so, but Xavi, Eto'o, Alves,Bojan, Puyol and now even Henry are frequently being vociferously praised by the Camp Nou crowd- and that defines Barca this season. Everyone is genuinely contributing. Everyone is hungry.Even the coach.
To give you some idea of how well Barcelona is playing:
  1. FCB is currently top of the league with a 6 points difference between them and 2nd placed Villarreal
  2. FCB has been unbeaten in last 20 games!
  3. FCB has scored 44 goals in14 league matches; much more than any other team. You can calculate the average. Including the Champions league games in the analysis will only push the average up.
  4. If FCB has scored the most they have conceded the least too. Only 9 goals in 14 matches. Cheers to Valdes!
  5. This makes the goal difference of FCB equal to a mindblowing 35 which is exactly equal to the sum of goal differences of next 4 teams namely - Villarreal, Valencia, Sevilla & Real Madrid.
  6. Samuel Eto'o is the leading scorer of the league with 14 goals.
So they are not only winning.They are winning in style.But "More than just Winning" should be expected from something which is "More than a Club".
Oh and what about Real Madrid? Funny to recall the statement that Great Bern Schuster ( RM coach) made when they produced some enterprising wins earlier this season : "Real Madrid is so good that we toy with other teams." Now look who is being toyed?
Currently Real Madrid is 5th in the league. Currently Real Madrid is pissing in their pants - because they are going to face Barcelona in Camp Nou THIS WEEK.
December was being touted as the "Horror Month", "The Grand Slam" or "The Month of Misery" because the big 5 teams in La Liga were supposed to play each other. Well by the looks of it , misery is only for the teams who have faced or about to face Barcelona. FCB defeated Sevilla away 3-0, FCB defeated Valencia home 4-0. FCB to face Real Madrid and Villarreal in coming weeks.
Sure this Barca is not the dream team of early 90's ( with Guardiola, Koeman, Hagi, Laudrup, Romario etc). Sure Messi is still not what Ronaldinho was. But they are getting there.
I am obviously thrilled. And plan to remain the same in the second half of the season too.

Nov 19, 2008

There's still time

to save Music.Start listening to Kings of Leon. Please.

For further help:

Best Albums :
Because of the Times
Aha Shake Heartbreak
Youth & Young Manhood
Only by the Night

Best Songs:
Fans
Milk
Knocked Up
Taper Jean Girl
Arizona
My Party
King of the Rodeo
Molly's Chambers
The Bucket
The Runner
Sex on Fire

Oct 22, 2008

Dial C for Cricket

The title for the post has been directly lifted from the cricket show being aired on NEO Cricket nowadays. Not that I was awestruck by the name and decided to use it for my blog post, but because I watched the show just now. Well here I have to say that this caller/talk show is nowhere as cheesy as its name. In fact I am very impressed by the NEO cricket's coverage of the Test series. And I really love Dial C for Cricket. I am normally not a big fan of these caller shows mainly because the questions asked are too generic and the answers given are more so. Something like :
Caller: " What should India do to win the Test match"
Answer from an expert: "Hmm.. lets see... they should bat well and they should bowl well. Oh yes they have to concentrate on the fielding too."
Caller is almost crying with enlightment by now.
But not on Dial C for Cricket. They have non-vague questions which they discuss ,say " Who is better: Mishra or Chawla?" and they have all the historical records - one days, test, ranji, India A, Irani etc to provide some meat to the discussion. They properly involve the callers in the discussion,even multiple-callers at the same time. The show is informative - for example now I know that Cheteshwar Pujara is the upcoming hotshot batsman and Mounish Parmar is the Indian Murlitahran - both due to the spin and controversial action.I like the presenter guy. He knows what he is speaking - unlike almost all the other anchors. As far as experts are concerned we don't have many options, do we? This show involves Lalchand Rajput, Ramiz Raja, Arun Lal & Ian Chappell which are conveniently rotated.
I am glad that there is no Sunil Gavaskar on the show. I respect him and all that but his extreme patriotism gets on to my nerves. Don't get me wrong. I am a fairly patriotic guy but not at the expense of all conceivable logic. If Zaheer Khan abuses someone its just good natured bantering, but if some other team player does it, its outright disgusting and a shame for the game of cricket. If Saurav Ganguly is causing a huge amount of delay because he is waiting for the 12th man to bring him new gloves - thats understandable and completely natural but if Shane Watson has problems with his run-up its dirty delaying tactics. Give me a break.
Ok coming back to NEO cricket , commentary is as good/bad it can get. Surprisingly and unfortunately the commentary hasn't changed much in last 20 years. It's like a set of statements that new commentators inherit from the old commentators. Say, taking a single run after hitting a four is the greatest thing a cricketer can do. I mean what the fuck? Why is taking a single run on a ball which was an innocent full toss, or a flighted lolly , or a delicious over-pitched delivery SO great? or say, Straight Drive is mindboggingly classy shot even if it hit the stumps on the other side. Now we are not talking about placement , are we?
Anyway. Tendulkar broke Lara's record and I am really happy for him. Yes there were times when I had bets with friends on who will score more, Azhar or Tendulkar and I invariably put my money on the traitor. Yes there were times when there were angry calls from all ( even bongs) - get the fuck Ganguly out of the team. And I was one of the few who said , Tendulkar goes first and only then goes Dada. But well Tendulkar is Tendulkar. Nobody can deny that,not even me. And people complain - he is just playing for the records. Oh, I am still thankful to him. You can be the most selfish guy on the earth if you are that talented. You have earned that.
India- Australia series is as interesting as it was supposed to be. I could do with more on field/off field abuse though. Oh come on. Nobody is watching India-Pakistan these days because of all the friendship bullshit. Indians may say all that - Australians are arrogant, unsportsmenlike, abusive and all that. Australians may say all that for Indians too. But the fact is they can't wait to play each other. Its like angry sex.Some people say people so keenly follow India-Australia series because of excellent quality of cricket and close matches. Hmm, I am sure you remember the Bhajji-Symonds "Maa Ki" incident but can you tell me how much did India score in that innings? Can you? CAN YOU?
Funny sighting: An ad featuring Lalit Modi where he says I had this vision..blah blah... What vision are you talking about? The vision which BCCI couldn't see for so many decades of existence with all the money and all the fanaticism or the vision about the game which you rubbished only few months earlier or the vision which was served to you in a platter by a "rebel"?
Phew. My Champions League Football matches are about to start. Good Night.

Sep 30, 2008

A(N) (IN)COMPLETE GUIDE TO SCI-FI LITERATURE


These are the greatest science fiction books ever written. Almost.

( Not in any particular order)

1984 - George Orwell

Grim, Disturbing, Claustrophobic ,one of the best books ever written. THE ONE on totalitarianism future. You don't need to read Fahrenheit 451 after this.

Childhood's End - Arthur C. Clarke

A classic from probably my favorite sci-fi author. Human Race , better take heed.

2001: A Space Odyssey - Arthur C. Clarke

Although the movie has a special place in my heart , book itself was brilliant and well more straightforward than the movie.

Rendezvous with Rama - Arthur C. Clarke

Physics, Geometry, Exploration. This one is not for cheap thrills, this one is for the sheer spirit of adventure.

The Sirens of Titan - Kurt Vonnegut

Arguably almost all Kurt Vonnegut books are sci-fi but not for me. You don't want to miss a science fiction masterpiece from an author who is Douglas Adams, Philip Dick, George Orwell, Mark Twain all combined and more. The Absurd. The Purpose of Human Life.

Complete Short Story Collection - Isaac Asimov

You don't need any full length novel to discover the genius of the master. In fact, these are better than anything else.

I, Robot - Isaac Asimov

No, the movie WAS NOT based on the book. Read this and be blown away.

Foundation Trilogy - Isaac Asimov

I'm not AS big a fan as countless others. But this started it all. So, how can you NOT read this?

The Moon is a Harsh Mistress - Robert A. Heinlein

This was not science ONLY. It was much more. That may be precisely the reason I am not a big fan of some of his other books like the revered Stranger in a Strange Land - which may be the perfect book for those who are not big on hard sci-fi.

Collection of short stories - Philip K. Dick

Philip K. Dick probably had the greatest imagination of all. He will present you the future with such immaculate details that you will wonder if he has traveled back in time. You can't imagine what scope these numerous stories (on which numerous movies have been made) cover. Start with a few.

UBIK - Philip K. Dick

A comedy on reality gone wrong!

Do Paranoids Dream of Electric Sheep? - Philip K. Dick

The book on which Blade Runner was only loosely based. But the fun is in the details.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

Since everybody on the planet seems to have read it, what are you waiting for?

Hyperion - Dan Simmons

This is one of the few contemporary( read post 80s) sci-fi books in the list. Perhaps I haven't read many. But i am not taking anything away from this complex, grand, awesome book. NOT for easy reading.

Ender's Game
- Orson Scott Card

Probably one of the most widely loved books - and I am not talking only about science fiction here. And there's a reason to it. If any science fiction book could provide great entertainment to anyone and everyone,this is it. You may forget it as soon as you have read it, but you'll have one hell of a time while reading it.

Notable Omissions:

Dune - Frank Herbert

I have thought of reading it so many times, but somehow never actually did. I don't think I ever will.

The Time Machine - H.G. Wells

I remember reading it as a kid. I didn't like it then. I don't think I will like it now.

Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

An acclaimed classic on dystopian future. My problem with this book is that it explains futuristic things like biological engineering which I can hardly relate to. It was an extremely difficult read for me.

Neuromancer - William Gibson

A cult novel. But then cyberpunks and hacking is too real now to be interesting :)

The Man in the High Castle - Philip K. Dick

Probably because I am reading it NOW!!

Sep 15, 2008

Everything.Nothing really.

70's movies took themselves very seriously. Look at Godfather. Look at Taxi Driver. Look at The Deer Hunter. Look at Monty Python & the Holy Grail.Look at Dawn of the Dead : Are we supposed to get scared of those funny zombies? Problem is director thought we should and he made a serious movie. Hell, look at A Clockwork Orange. Look at Apocalypse Now. I found it over-the-top. But I'll give it credit for the Best Opening Scene Ever. Ever. And what is the best closing scene? For me its a tie between Trainspotting and Fight Club. Anyway. I am not saying that 70s movies were bad. Some of them are my favourites but most of them suffered from this "greatness" delusion.
In 2000s we are facing almost the same problem, and with an attached "reality" bug.I have already said they have sort of destroyed the Batman. They have sort of destroyed James Bond too. Casino Royale was more of a romantic tragedy than a slick spy thriller. I don't want stupid Roger Moore or Sean Connery movies but give me a Golden Eye anyday.Spiderman too. Look at There Will Be Blood. Look at V for Vendetta : It highlights everything that is wrong with this decade.
80's was funny.80's was damn good too. I can't imagine Die Hard or Indians Jones being made in 70s or 2000s. Ditto with Back to the Future.Imagine if Amadeus was made in 70s. They just couldn't depict Mozart as a human being which he was. Imagine if Breakfast Club was made in 70s. Someone would have definitely committed suicide. You get the point. You do.Look at Full Metal Jacket.

90s is my favourite. It knew how to balance. And it gave us Pulp Fiction.It gave us Fight Club. It gave us American Beauty ( which was again in 70s mode but still great). It even gave us Groundhog Day. It gave us Lock, Stock & Two smoking Barrels. It gave us True Lies.It gave us The Big Lebowski. And well, many more.

And I always thought that we have this habit of glorifying the past and underrating the present. That is normal.That is obvious. How can we say that we have surpassed the best in the past, then there won't be any unattainable benchmarks left. It's no fun then.And its evident in every walk of life.We will still say, will always say: Borg was better than Federer. Sampras was better than Federer.Oh, when Rod Laver himself says this : “I would be honoured to even be compared to Roger. He is such an unbelievable talent, and is capable of anything. Roger could be the greatest tennis player of all time.” , we'll say that he's just being modest.
And when McEnroe says this : "I've seen the Lavers, I played against some of the great players - the Samprases, Beckers, Connors', Borgs, you name it…He's probably the greatest player that ever lived…He can beat half the guys with his eyes closed!”, we'll say that the old man has gone nuts. For similar reasons "Citizen Kane" will always remain the greatest movie ever.
Actually, its not a bad idea to acknowledge greatness in the present era now.Its high time that we acknowledge that this generation has actually achieved something considering that those buggers have fired the Large Hadron Collider and the world might get sucked into any of the black holes soon. I don't know how is it taking so much time though. Science.
Fortunately,the great concept of marketing is fast changing the scenario. And we are reminded again and again that what we just saw, heard or touched was the greatest thing ever. But unfortunately marketing lowers the benchmarks drastically.It even promotes mediocrity. Surely. Look at The Dark Knight. Look at iphone. Look at Manchester United. Look at Mona Lisa. Look at Surf Excel.Look at Zodiac. Yes I'm talking about that serial killer on which at least 3 movies have been made and numerous books have been written. I am not sure, how good a killer Zodiac was, but he sure was an ace marketer. Oh, how he gave those idiot policemen the puzzles which had no solutions. How he claimed to have killed scores of people. Brilliant. Anyway.

I feel most of the crimes, thefts, even terrorist acts are done by individuals who want to get the satisfaction of having done something in life. Most of them are acts of ambition and fulfillment rather than revenge, religion or greed. Well the same feeling is inherent in almost all human beings. That's why people want to become rich or popular or both. That's why people want to climb Mt. Everest even if noone gives a fuck. Oh, all this crap came to my mind when I saw the last scene of "Wanted" when the hero says :"This is me taking control. blah.blah.blah. This is me taking control of my life. What the fuck have YOU done lately?"
You may get inspired by that statement. As they say(who?) : inspiration can come from the crappiest of sources. You may even get depressed by that.As they say : depression can come from the crappiest of sources. But then, it all comes down to whether glass is half full or half empty.
Enough.

PS: I used to be funny :O

Aug 10, 2008

Mind-Boggling Science Fiction 2

One day after getting drunk:

My Buddy(stammering): I have to tell you a secret today.

Me: What?

My Buddy: I am from the future.

Me: Huh?

My Buddy: I have come from the year 2150.

Me(excited): Really!And I was wondering how you get drunk so easily.Now I know. You people in 2150 must have seriously fucked up minds with all that pollution and global warming.

My Buddy: Yeah we are really fucked up physically & mentally, but we all are much more developed spiritually.

Me: Spiritually? huh? What crap...anyway where is the time machine!! I want to see it!!

My Buddy: Time Travel doesn't work that way. It's more of a mental travel than physical. Your mind travels back or forward in time,and occupies a physical form( a body) which is temporarily without a mind.

Me: Temporarily without a mind?

My Buddy: Yeah.Quite often you see some people acting "absent-minded". Well their minds are literally absent. Someone who had traveled back and occupied that body leaves it, and that body is without a mind for some time before some other mind occupies it. And since so many people are traveling from the future these days, nobody remains absent-minded for long.
We just have to use a 6-digit alpha-numeric code to initiate time travel. For eg. my code is 61c3h9

Me: Oh what did you say, your code was? 63d8h9?

My Buddy: No. 63c1h9

Me: 7h1d8q?

My Buddy: 6c19dh

Me: 9r8ic1?

My Buddy: 6ihr91.

Me: 8s9w1q?

My Buddy: Shit. I was drunk and you made me forget my code.

Me(laughing): I am sorry man. I was just messing with you. But, its not a problem. Is it?

My Buddy: Ofcourse it is!!There can be hmm... (36)^6 possible codes. How much is it?!!

Me: Wait I'll calculate on my mobile phone. Well it is a pretty huge number: 2,17,67,82,336!!!

My Buddy(shocked): And to try out all those codes will take me my whole lifetime!

Me: But you must have stored your code on your phone or a piece of paper or something.

My Buddy: I did! But remember I told you my phone got stolen today on a local train!

Me:Oh yes. Shit. Guess you are stuck in the year 2008 now.

My Buddy(sobbing): Yes I am stuck in this spiritually deprived era.

Me: huh?..what crap.

Jul 31, 2008

Mind-boggling Science Fiction

Voice from the Radio: Hello, I am a resident of planet Tribe2453. In other words I am an alien for you people.

Me: Hi

Voice from the Radio: Just Hi? Anyway, you need not be scared of me, my intentions are purely exploratory. I am just a child on my planet, and this is part of our school assignment , which was to study the culture of some third world planet and then make a detailed presentation in the class.

Me(bored): So what do you want from me?

Voice from the Radio: I will just reside in your mind for 6 months.We have the technology for that and it's a totally unintrusive method. You won't feel a thing and continue to live a normal life.

Me: Why me? Go reside in Nelson Mandela's mind or Oprah Winfrey's mind. You'll get a better perspective. I am nobody.

Voice from the Radio: I selected you from the Random Human Generator.And, you are as good as anybody for my study.

Me(getting irritated): No. I don't want to be a part of it.Get lost.

Voice from the Radio(surprised): You don't have to be rude. I was just requesting you.

Me(getting really pissed): Ok I'll say it politely : Why don't you go and fuck yourself.

Voice from the Radio(shocked):Now you are swearing in front of a child!Don't you have any shame?

Me(hysterical): Child? Where? Oh you .. fucking son of a fucking alien bitch.

Voice from the Radio(sobbing): That's it. I am destroying Earth.I don't care if i get a 'D' in my assignment.

And so, our beloved planet earth met its premature end due to one reckless human being.


Jul 28, 2008

Today I am going to make a bold statement.

But first some background.

I have only ONE obsession in life - Music. Yes, I have seen many, really many movies. Yes, I have even walked 1.5 kms at 1 A.M. in the night to a friend's place and woke him up from his blissful sleep because I wanted to see Barca- Real football match and my cable-wallah had suddenly decided to take ESPN off. Still, Music is/has been my only obsession.

I have loved so many bands over all these years, loved so many songs;but never thought of saying such a thing, ACTUALLY never dared to say such a thing, which is this :

FAKE PLASTIC TREES by Radiohead is the best song I have ever heard.

And I say this now, after having heard it millions of time over so many years.
I don't want to degrade Fake Plastic Trees by giving justifications. But I see no reason why anyone who is alive should not like it. ACTUALLY: I see no reason why anyone should NOT like it and still be alive.

If you have never heard it, do yourself a HUGE favor- Buy "The Bends" CD , or download the high quality mp3 from the internet, or watch it on youtube, or give me your email address, or request it in a pub, do something NOW. Believe me, you would have done something worthwhile after a long long time.


Her green plastic watering can
For her fake Chinese rubber plant
In the fake plastic earth.
That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans
To get rid of itself.
It wears her out, it wears her out.

She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns.
He used to do surgery
For girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins.
And it wears him out, it wears him out.
It wears him out, it wears him out.

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love.
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run.
And it wears me out, it wears me out.
It wears me out, it wears me out.

And if I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
All the time, all the time.
Oh, oh.

Jul 20, 2008

The Dark Knight

I like you Mr. Christopher Nolan, but I like Batman more. Yes, I have serious issues with The Dark Knight. I liked your movie but right now I may go to ridiculous extents to ridicule it. Let's get few things straight:

There are NO superheroes in real life. So why these desperate attempts to make a realistic Batman? What's the need for Bruce Wayne to speak in a ridiculous heavy voice when he is wearing the suit? Does it add authenticity? Oh, try breaking some bones of Batman or making him crippled for life when he jumps from a 40 storeyed building to add authenticity next time.

Gotham is not a real city. And it is the mother of all DARK corrupt crime-plagued cities. I don't remember when was the last time we saw daylight in Gotham city like you have shown in your movies. And what's with Batman going to Hong Kong? Are we supposed to care about rest of the world too? What next? Batman will stop driving the Bat-mobile due to rising Oil prices?

The adversaries of Batman are supposed to be brilliant,eccentric people who have definite plans of world domination or large scale homicide. Not some random guy who just wants to kill all people with a machine gun. Where is the technology which will hypnotize all the people of Gotham? Where are the chemicals which bring out your darkest fears? Oh, I forgot, these things don't happen in a real world. But believe me a quintessential villain of a cult superhero series chasing trucks and shooting them with rocket launchers looks very CHEAP.

And by the way, last time I checked Joker is supposed to be a funny guy. Damn scary, but funny. A truly multidimensional character. Not a plain cold blooded psycho. For that I'll watch Javier Bardem in No country For Old Men. But then, we are not supposed to be critical of the acting of a person who is dead.

We are over-awed by the moral dilemmas of Batman already. We don't need to bother ourselves with the moral dilemmas of common people. You know what I am talking about: I didn't particularly like the boat scene.

Batman ladies are supposed to look ravishing. Say, Kim Basingerly ravishing. Even Nicole Kidman looked her best in one of the Batman movies. Maggie Gyllenhaal was far from ravishing( particularly in this movie). But then,which beautiful lady in a real world will fall for a creep dressed like a bat?

Even the transformation of Harvy Dent to Two-Face was not very convincing.

There was this Basin City . More corrupt and much darker than Gotham City.
But when Basin City was brought to life in a movie-form it was magnificent, not realistic but magnificent. Watch Sin City Mr. Nolan and take some inspiration. That is what a comic book adaptation ought to be.

I like Tim Burton's version of Batman much better.
But if you ask me which Batman movie I love the most : I'll say Mask of the Phantasm.

Jul 12, 2008

Something I don't understand

This happens in movies all the time : The bad guy threatens the heroine that if she doesn't tell the hero that she doesn't love him, he will kill him.
Even in Spiderman 3.

The heroine gets scared and is ready to sacrifice her love for her love. And so she tells the hero that she doesn't love him anymore and is having sex with someone else while villain watches all this from behind a tree with a cruel sense of satisfaction. So far so good.

Now what I don't understand is why can't the heroine give a call to hero after say half an hour and tell him the truth. It's not that the bad guy is tapping her mobile calls or something ( she IS anyway shown talking to the hero and hurting him more and more). Hero can obviously keep on pretending that he is hurt to fool the bad guy. Oh come on, he is the bloody Spider-man - if he can save the world , he surely can act a little.

But then there are so many other things in the movies which we don't understand like how can John Abraham and Josh Hartnett always remain so sexy even if they are playing poor, old, crippled nincompoops.If you didn't get it, there was an unbelievable amount of sarcasm and contempt hidden in the previous statement.

Jul 7, 2008

Once in a Lifetime Kind of Stuff *

I saw 100% Solar Eclipse from my naked eyes.

I saw Spain lift the Euro Cup.

I saw probably the best ever Tennis match which would have given me a heart-attack if I was 65. The match left me incredibly sad though**



* I hope not for the sake of Spain
** Federer will win again. This year. Next year. Next to next year. French Open too. If trophies & records are the only proof that you need to believe, he will have them. He will.

Jul 2, 2008

How to save Planet Earth?

Tell Everybody To Read KURT VONNEGUT.


Slumdog Millionaire

Danny Boyle is one of the best and definitely the most versatile director of this generation. These are the movies he has directed till now( I have seen all!) :

1) Shallow Grave ( One of the most ignored movies ever! A psychological thriller! A masterpiece!)
2) Trainspotting ( Well what can I say. The best DRUGS movie. One of the greatest movies EVER.)
3) A Life Less Ordinary ( An underrated, amazingly COOL Romantic Comedy)
4) The Beach( Again an underrated & unique adventure-thriller)
5) 28 Days Later( The best ZOMBIE movie ever)
6) Millions( The best FAMILY movie ever)
7) Sunshine( The best Sci-Fi movie in recent times. Since1997(Contact & Gattaca) to be precise)

And when Danny Boyle decides to direct a movie shot in India , with Indian actors and based on Kaun Banega Crorepati, we must take notice.

Slumdog Millionaire : "A comedy centered around an illiterate kid who looks to become a contestant on the Hindi version of Who Wants to be A Millionaire in order to re-establish contact with the girl he loves, who is an ardent fan of the show."
It stars Dev Patel(who?), Irrfan Khan( obviously) , Anil Kapoor( well) and Freida Pinto(who?)

Jun 27, 2008

Haiku

pass the ball
beautiful football
way Spain play

He killed a man
He surrendered
He killed the suspense

Monsoon
Poet writes a poem
I wash my clothes

I slapped a girl
She slapped me back
News these days

My friends
They tease me
I also tease them

If TV
is an idiot box
then I am an idiot

Leaking tap in the next room
Makes some sound
I am lazy

Anti-Glare Lens
I spend more
Eyes still ache

Overrated
Overhyped
Ronaldo

Up,up,up
Down, down, down
Stock Market last year and this year

Radiohead makes music
Pearl Jam makes music
Others copy

I drink beer
I lose control and
I feel happy

Pepsi without the fizz
is like Coca-Cola
without the fizz

HP DV-1000
My hot laptop
My burnt laptop

Crisp Notes
Crashed Windows
Bill Gates

This
is addictive
I can go on and on and on

To hell with
Haiku aficionados
who think I murdered the art

Jun 24, 2008

Overheard

Characters:
Ronaldo: Christiano Ronaldo ( Portugal & Manchester United)
AAFL: An Average Football Lover

Ronaldo: I am best in the world.
AAFL: Who says so?
Ronaldo: The whole world.
AAFL: Hmm..no. Italians say Kaka is the best, Spanish say Messi is the best , Germans say Ribery is the best, and now Russians say Arshavin is the best.
Ronaldo: Oh is it? But here in England wherever I read, wherever I hear , they say I am the best. They can't be foolish. England is a football loving country and is known for its fair judgments.
AAFL: hmm.. yeah English people do say that. But English people also said that Alan Shearer was the best striker in the world at the time of Baggio and Ronaldo.
Ronaldo: Who? I don't know these players.Sorry my history is weak.
AAFL: Yeah, I figured that part.. when you were talking about England and...
Ronaldo(interrupting): And there was another Ronaldo playing football earlier? Is he dead now?
AAFL: Dead! No. He is injured. He is still playing for Milan. And well he is considered by many as the best striker( perhaps the best player) ever.
Ronaldo: Is it? Was he better than Pele, Maradona and ME!!!??
AAFL( trying to be polite) : Hmm... probably.
Ronaldo: Oh it can't be ! Look at the number of goals I scored this season. Manchester United won the Premier League and the Champions League because of ME.
AAFL( losing his patience) : And still ManU barely won the league and barely won the champions league. In Fact Chelsea was the better team in the Finals! And remember you missed the penalty too! You tend to get nervous.
Ronaldo : Nervous and me? Are you serious? I have scored so many penalties. It was just once that I missed.
AAFL: You missed against Barcelona too in the semis. Remember?
Ronaldo : Every great player makes mistakes. I am not GOD you see.But I have made up for all those by scoring so many goals.
AAFL: But don't you think ManU could have scored more goals if you had remained a Midfielder which was your assigned role, and not try to be a striker. And could luck have played a little role in your success?
Ronaldo: What nonsense are you talking. I was awesome , always. Thats why all the defenders were so scared of me;they kicked me and fouled me again and again.
AAFL: Well, if you had passed more and ran less........
Ronaldo: Oh you shut up. What do you know about football. The best club on earth - Real Madrid - is planning to buy me for 100 million dollars . Do you even know that 100 million has 4 zeroes in it!
AAFL: Who says Real Madrid is the best club on earth?
Ronaldo: I say that. And if it is not, it will be when I join them.I'll show all Messi supporters who is the best.
AAFL: But many people think that Messi is more talented and he played better than you in the Champions League... but we'll leave that. I think Real Madrid is buying you to sell more T-Shirts than for footballing reasons.
Ronaldo: What rubbish. But yeah , you are right I will sell more T-shirts. After all I am so drop dead gorgeous. I have charmed so many hookers and Bipasha Basu with my good looks and smooth moves.
AAFL: I have also charmed those hookers and Bipasha Basu and I paid less than you!
Ronaldo: You are jealous,disrespectful and arrogant. One day you'll understand and that day is not far.
AAFL: You are dumb, disloyal and greedy. One day you'll be disillusioned and that day is very near.
Ronaldo: I don't like you.
AAFL. I don't like you.

PS: I don't like Ronaldo.

Itch

Few months back I had posted on how I longed to see No Country For Old Men. Although the movie didn't turn out to be as good as I had expected but still it had plenty of kickass-ness and it even got the Oscar.
Coen brothers have done it AGAIN. Yes, there is Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight , David Fincher's The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Guy Ritchie's Rocknrolla , but the movie which I JUST can't wait to watch is Burn After Reading.
It is a crime-comedy and reminds me of Big Lebowski , even Lock,Stock & Two Smoking Barrels!
It stars Brad Pitt ( he is one actor whose movies are never ever bad) , George Clooney, John Malkovich,Frances Mcdormand(obviously) & Tilda Swinton.


Watch the hilarious trailer here : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tEDPZNWG4o

Jun 9, 2008

My PUB

Enter: Place is dimly lit. Several lamps are strategically placed that may be used later to give psychedelic effects. There are several large screens on the walls, in fact even the roof is a dome shaped screen. Sound System is top-notch.

Announcement: Hello All, welcome to the Pink Floyd night at Chrono-Synclastic Infundibulum. If you haven't googled for the meaning of the pub yet, let me tell you that Chrono-Synclastic Infundibulum was a term used by Kurt Vonnegut in one of his novels.We assume that you are all Pink Floyd fans since you paid 1000 rupees cover charge and cleared the basic Pink Floyd Quiz at the entrance. We are sorry for your friends who couldn't make it.Here we want to clarify that we are not acting prudish or anything but this pub is meant for serious music lovers. We wanted to keep out certain type of people : "Hey! I needed some air conditioned place to meet my friends" , "Hey look at me, I am so cool... I listen to Pink Floyd" etc will qualify as these type of people. But at the same time we want Pink Floyd's music to reach more & more number of people , thats why we kept the quiz simple: "Name any seven Pink Floyd songs" , " Write 2 lines from any Pink Floyd song other than Another Brick In the Wall 2 & Coming Back to Life" , "Is Roger Waters Dead (Y/N)"? , " Do you like the band Good Charlotte(Y/N)?" etc.
So are you ready for the Pink Floyd Experience? ................ ( Applause)
Please Note that NO SONG REQUEST will be entertained.
Let the Music begin.

Playing :
1) Marooned ( Division Bell ) ( Breathtaking Scenery on the screens)
2) Speak to me/Breathe ( Dark Side of the Moon)
3) On the Turning Away ( A Momentary Lapse of Reason)

Announcement : You are about to hear original unabridged Echoes which is 23 minutes long. If anyone of you think that it might be too long or too boring for you , you may take your full refund from the entrance - No Questions asked. Thank you for joining us.

Playing :
4) Echoes ( Meddle)
5) Mother ( The Wall)
6) Time( Dark Side of the Moon)
7) Brain Damage / Eclipse ( Dark Side of the Moon)

Announcement : We urge you to order whatever it takes you to reach higher state of mind other than the music obviously : Booze, Tobacco, Marijuana , LSD , food or water. Now is the time.

Playing :
8) Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun( A Saucerful of Secrets)
9) Astronomy Domine ( Piper at the Gates of Dawn)
10) One of these Days( Meddle)
11) Shine on You Crazy Diamond 1 & 2( Wish You were Here)
12) Comfortably Numb ( The Wall)

Announcement : We know that you have had a mind-boggling experience till now. We understand that for some of you this "Psychedelic Awesomeness" might have been too much to handle. Hence we'll play some catchy, relatively "less demanding" songs now. These will help you regain your breath. Some of you may even feel like dancing but as you would have read the rules printed on your Menu Card : " Dancing will not be tolerated ". However , you may rotate your head, rapidly blink your eyes, tap your neck : these won't count as dancing.

Playing :
13) Arnold Layne ( Relics)
14) Another Brick in the Wall 1 ( The Wall)
15) Happiest Days of our Lives / Another Brick in the Wall 2 ( The Wall )
16) Pigs - Three Different Ones ( Animals )
17) Have a Cigar ( Wish You Were Here)

Announcement: People, this is to remind you that you can buy Pink Floyd merchandise from our store just outside the Music area, but only after the music for the night is over. Merchandise includes Pink Floyd CDs , DVDs , T-shirts and memorabilia. You can also consult our expert panel for advice on sound system, acoustics , lighting arrangements worthy of Pink Floyd Music that can be setup in your house. There is a surprise for you ! We are having a lucky draw and the winner gets to meet David Gilmour or Roger Waters depending on his choice.

Playing:
18) Hey You( The Wall )
19) Sorrow( A Momentary Lapse of Reason)
20) High Hopes ( Division Bell)
21) Wearing the Inside Out( Division Bell)
22) If(Atom Heart Mother)

Announcement: Thank you all very much. Actually we are sure that the feeling is reciprocative.You can join us again next Friday for Pink Floyd - Redux. There you'll listen to songs from albums which we missed out on this week due to time constraints. Also you'll get to see some really rare video footages of Pink Floyd. All of you who are present today will get 50% discount on everything next Friday. Some great news : We'll have a Pearl Jam night tomorrow and Radiohead night the day after. We guarantee you a similar experience.

Playing:
23) Wish You Were Here ( Wish You Were Here)

PS:From The Sirens of Titan: " Chrono means time. Synclastic means curved towards the same side in all directions,like the skin of an orange.Infundibulum is what the ancient Romans like Julius Caesar and Nero called a funnel."


Jun 4, 2008

Life is Puzzles

From time to time in our life we are faced with puzzles, some of them even having achieved CULT status , by virtue of their difficulty level ,their commercial value , their importance or their uniqueness.
I am sure at least 10,000 people would have asked you this( however lame you might have thought it was even at that time) when you were a kid:
Let, x= 1,
then, x^2 = x
x^2 - 1 = x-1
(x-1)(x+1) = (x-1)
or x+1 = 1
or 2=1. How?

Then the classic waiter puzzle : 3 of you go to a restaurant and your bill comes out to be 27. So you pay the waiter 30 rupees(10 rupees each). But the manager finds a totaling mistake and says to the waiter that bill is 25 rupees and not 27 rupees. The smart ass waiter thinks how will they divide 5 rupees among them, so he keeps 2 rupees with himself and gives back 3 rupees. So effectively, all 3 of you have paid 9 rupees each , that makes it 9 * 3 = 27 rupees. 2 rupees are with the waiter , so it makes 27 + 2 = 29 rupees. You had initially paid 30 rupees , so where has 1 rupee disappeared?

And surely this one made me scratch my head:
You die and find yourself standing in front of 2 gates. 1 leads to hell and the other leads to heaven. There are 2 gatekeepers , 1 of them always speaks the truth and other one always speaks the lie. BUT the catch is you don't know which is which. You have to ask ONLY 1 question to ONLY 1 gatekeeper and find out which gate leads to heaven!

You grow up, and puzzles change.
Oh, who wouldn't have heard of the great puzzle which couldn't be solved for almost 400 years. I am talking about Fermat's Last Theorem : x^n + y^n = z^n is not possible for any integer n>2.
I remember watching Andrew Wiles explain his proof on Discovery Channel. I didn't understand a fuck but I still clapped.

And then our Calculus days , where again some people tried to prove that 2=1.
We know that,
x^2 = x+x+x+...... ( x times)
Differentiating both the sides w.r.t. x
2x = 1+1+1+...(x times)
or 2x =x
or 2=1!

There was a time when I was obsessed with Time Travel ; and obviously the paradoxes! What if I go back and kill myself! And then there was this amazing short story : All You Zombies by Robert Heinlein : " A woman undergoes a sex change, goes back in time and impregnates his previous self( girl) and is born as the offspring! So basically this guy is both his mother and father!!! And then there were others of himself too." Phew. You have to read it!

There are puzzles of seemingly great importance like how can universe expand all the time, or how does human consciousness work( which Roger Penrose tried to explain, and I tried to read)
Then there is a mind boggling question -WHAT is the meaning of LIFE - which Monty Python tried to explain or which KURT Vonnegut almost found an answer to : "We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different."

Douglas Adams
found a mind boggling answer to some important question though - 42.

But there is one thing that has been puzzling me for so many years, and that is how come SPAIN has the best football squad in Europe , if not in the world and still it fails to win or even do well in any major tournament. And moreover WHY I keep supporting them.


PS: I'll be supporting Spain in EURO 2008. Italy, France & Germany should be the other 3 semi-finalists.

May 5, 2008

Long Nonsense

Bush says that Food prices have increased because people in India eat more. I totally agree.First of all they produce billions and after that they eat too. But what can I say , I'll only suggest that instead of complaining you should look for more innovative solutions to the problem. You have done that before .... Remember people in India used to wear more clothes too, but then, you didn't complain of rising cloth prices, instead you totally used it to your advantage and what do we have now: the great Porn industry of America! And thank you for that!We hope that some brilliant idea comes out of America from the present crisis too. This might sound cliched but is absolutely apt : Necessity is the Mother of Invention.
Oh, all this talk of increasing population and food shortage reminds me of this movie which I loved by the way: "Idiocracy". Not many of you may have heard of this movie and I also bumped into it accidentally.Its a satirical nonsense comedy from the director of Office Space. It has a simple but ingenious storyline : Concerned with the population growth all intelligent people stop reproducing, but on the other hand idiots keep on reproducing. So the future world is astonishingly dumbed -down, and our average guy from the present after 500 years of hibernation ( side plot) becomes the most intelligent creature on earth !!
Bleak future , I must say. Then there was Children of Men which also predicted apocalyptic future; but I won't go into that. But I will definitely mention here that Children of Men and Gattaca are two such breathtakingly beautiful movies ( I mean literally, cinematography and all), that I can keep watching them continuously forever. No kidding.
I can also keep listening to Pink Floyd's - Shine on You Crazy Diamond and Beatles' - A Day in the Life also, forever.
But I seriously wonder how some people can keep doing their Finance job forever. Do they really like it? Have you seen American Psycho? I remember this dialogue from the movie( happening in a bar):

Drunk Girl: What do you do?
Christian Bale: I am into Murders and Executions mostly.
Drunk Girl: Do you like it?
Christian Bale: It depends.Why?
Drunk Girl: Because guys who I know are into Mergers and Acquisitions really don't like it.

Only alcohol can bring out such brilliant mis-interpretations.But again I have realized in few years that alcohol is overrated( I thought I would die before I say this). Now no longer I wake up the next morning and feel utterly embarrassed of what I did last night .Where's the fun then?

One thing that is surely not overrated though is FC Barcelona , even after its pathetic season. Mostly they lacked the right attitude and team spirit. Also they must realize that they can win matches by playing beautiful football and scoring from free play against depressingly defensive mindset of other clubs in Europe only if they have brilliant strikers ( what Eto'o and Ronaldinho were 2 years back and what Messi is almost). Otherwise they have to rely on free kicks and corner kicks, long balls and long shots. And they need players who do that. What to say, world is not fair. Life is not fair.

If life was fair this wouldn't be happening:

Titanic has just sunk and Jack and Rose are fighting for their lives in ice cold water. Finally they get hold of a plank.

Jack ( shivering..almost dying off) : Oh Rose! I love you from the bottom of my heart.
Rose( comfortable...almost dozing off) : Oh Jack! I love you from the top of my plank.

Apr 8, 2008

Aren't Cynicism and Pessimism Awesome?

1) Have you read the best books? Did you love the bleak future of 1984 ? Brave New World?Did Holden Caulfield entertain you by finding fault in everyone and everything? Isn't Chuck Palahniuk most cynical of all living authors right now? And isn't he good?Have you read Survivor? Isn't Kurt Vonnegut the best author ever? The most intelligent and the wittiest? Probably most cynical ? Pessimist too? And addictive?Have you read Slapstick? Cat's Cradle? Mother Night? Breakfast of Champions?Slaughterhouse 5? Hocus Pocus? Timequake?Any?Did Kurt Vonnegut write this:"Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly; Man got to sit and wonder, 'Why, why, why?' Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land; Man got to tell himself he understand." ? Do you agree?

2) Have you watched the best movies ? Appreciated the under-rated movies where the world is ending? Enjoyed the underlying pessimism in an otherwise average movie based on a life of a loser ( eg: Lonesome Jim) ? Do movies based on Nuclear Wars, Future with Tyrannical society , Apocalypse, Doomsday,Judgment Day,Shift in space-time continuum and other exciting stuff excite you? Wasn't Stanley Kubrick great? Isn't Dr. Strangelove one of the best comedies( So do you think a movie in which the world ends CAN be a comedy?)? Full Metal Jacket?Clockwork Orange? Do you enjoy new, surrealistic , sci-fi movies which predict hopeless future (eg: Southland Tales) ? Have you seen Fight Club? Have you seen Clerks?

3) Have you heard the best music? Rock Music? Do you find Radiohead brilliant? Even inspiring?Did Pink Floyd write this : "and everything under the sun is in tune ;but the sun is eclipsed by the moon."? Is Pink Floyd God?Is God Pink Floyd? Do you love Dark Side of the Moon? Wish you were Here? Meddle? Wall?Animals? Do you believe any government in power is pathetic, like all rock bands do? Do you believe in an inconvenient truth , like all rock bands do?Aren't all good bands cynical?Pessimist? Isn't happy,optimistic music generally written by retards? Did R.E.M. write this: " Its the end of the world as we know it; And I am feeling fine."? Are good bands still naming their albums like this: " We were Dead before the Ship even sank."?

If your answer to some of the questions above is YES , chances are you belong to The Club!
( knowingly or unknowingly)

Don't you feel lucky now?!


Mar 21, 2008

Megadeth and a Death

I was in Bangalore to see Megadeth. And I am extremely glad I was.
We were copiously drunk when we entered but were still sober enough to know what was going on around us ( which is FYI the perfect state to attend a rock concert - wild but conscious , eager to head bang but eager to pay attention to music ). Anyway we were surprised when there were just cursory security checks( like those at the shopping malls) unlike previous rock concerts ( I am not sure what the reason was. Whether authorities have understood that music fans should be set free or authorities have understood that no point wasting time - people still manage, or authorities have understood - the world would be a much better place without these crazy metal freaks, to hell with them , let them die.)
As soon as we entered the ground we understood the real reason ( or at least a part of the reason) for lack of security checks. For the first time in any international concert in Bangalore( probably in India) booze was being sold inside the arena!( thanks to Sir Vijay Mallya). And then people couldn't help cursing themselves for unnecessary having drank so much outside and taken so much of troubles ( like sore feet) for smuggling small whisky bottles inside. And well there was Bungee Jumping inside the arena !! and that too under lights... so there was the woodstock environment for you. ( Ironically most of the people were too stoned or too drunk to be that brave or that adventurous. On the other hand most of the people were too stoned and too drunk and hence too brave and too adventurous. My first thought was how much will I puke if I did jump.)
Anyway , frankly speaking I haven't heard much of Machine Head but they played really well and all the lightning in the sky played well too.
Megadeth was pure bliss.
Although only Dave Mustaine was there from their original lineup, but thats Dave Mustaine!
And what a setlist!!! They played the big four from rust in peace - holy wars, hangar 18, tornado of souls,take no prisoners, they played trust, they played symphony of destruction,they played a tout le monde, they played peace sells,they played in my darkest hour, and obviously they played some from their latest - United Abominations.They even played Mechanix/Four Horsemen ( Oh yes , it was Mustaine time Metallica).I couldn't have asked for more.
I have never seen a more educated crowd in a rock concert. Crowd sang each and every song word by word. It was a place where any real fan could belong.
Watch this if you don't believe me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPvg7DUBJd0

And we were in the 9th or 10th row from the stage ( thats a tremendous achievement when you consider 25000 to 30000 people , drunk, violent people.) There were several Mosh Pits ( I am not sure that I like the trend but its just a fallout) and we were standing beside one (didn't dare go inside it).

Fuck Mark Knopfler, Fuck Joe Satriani, Fuck Iron Maiden, Fuck Aerosmith , Fuck Bangalore authorities ( who'll keep the volume of live thrash metal songs less than those of lullabies) , Megadeth kicked ass!

*************************************************************************************

Sir Arthur Charles Clarke ( 16.12.1917 - 19.3.2008)

Arthur C. Clarke was more concerned with the wonders of science and exploration and less with politics ,human behaviour ,character development and other mundane stuff (unlike Robert Heinlein ,Isaac Asimov,Philip Dick, Orson Scott and others). Thats why he was my favourite sci-fi author ( and unfortunately that was the reason why some people didn't like him).
I'll eagerly wait for the movie adaptation of Rendezvous with Rama ( to be directed by David Fincher). Its almost an impossible to be made into a movie kind of book, but then so was 2001.


Mar 11, 2008

My first post on a socially relevant issue...and probably last too.

I am sort of sick of people complaining about why there's so much money in Cricket in India and why ain't government and the big businessmen spending enough money on other sports.
First of all to those people who don't like cricket being too commercialized and big companies spending millions in IPL : YOU, stop being jealous and start selling your own beer. Then you can do whatever you want from your money.
And now to those people who think government and all the rich people should spend money on other sports too(like Hockey) and not cricket :
Some games are intrinsically boring and some are intrinsically interesting. Or let me put it this way, people of different countries / of different cultures/of different levels of average intelligence / of different levels of average inherent barbarism are intrinsically made to like some games or to intrinsically hate some game. Some people might even evolve to like different games in different periods of time.
So now tell me if no one in India wants to watch hockey is it government that is to be blamed? If no one will even recognize any national Hockey team player if he comes in some ad, why should any company spend money on them? Oh don't tell me they don't show enough hockey on TV , they show all the international matches, hell they even show PHL. Its just that you DON'T watch hockey matches.And you complain government gives crores to cricketers who won CB series and government doesn't give a penny to football players or hockey players after they win anything significant.Why should it? Government earns so much from cricket - tickets, tourism, taxes and what not..what does government earn from Hockey? Isn't everything return on investment. If only you would have spent hundreds to watch a Hockey match rather than spending thousands on watching a cricket match, Hockey players would have also got some booty from the government.Some of you socialists might rise up and say its not always return on investment for the government , its charity too!But then again, charity in cricket affects millions of people, charity in Hockey will affect what -10, at max 20 people? So where does charity make more sense?
There's this another argument that people put forward that unless you spend lot of money in Hockey, how will the game develop, how will we get a good team, and unless we get a good team which wins tournaments why will people follow hockey? Ok, so when was the last time Indian Hockey team won the Olympic Gold Medal - I think 1980.And when was the last time Indian cricket team won the world cup - 1983. Not much of a difference I say, but still you suckers keep on watching cricket day after day , year after year. WHY?And well England didn't even qualify for the Euro cup, still those suckers will keep on watching Football , no matter what. And if performance is the key factor , why don't people complain of government not investing enough money in Kabbaddi. India is a world beater in Kabbaddi!!! Then you'll say Kabbaddi is not a popular enough sport. But then how popular is Hockey. Or how popular is cricket? What 10, or say 20 countries play cricket, more than 300 countries play football. And performance ha! India is ranked 165 or something in Football , still more number of people watch football than hockey in India. Its not even important if India is playing or not.And sometimes you don't even need government backing for good performances.Its just the talent and interest. How much did the government spend on hockey facilities before India won all the gold medals in 1930s,40s and 50s?How much did Indian government spend on Chess before Vishwanathan Anand became world number 1?
Now we arrive at the basic question -is Hockey really so boring? Well, I don't know.Maybe its not glamorous enough, but then even cricket is not glamorous , only when all these players are selected for national teams and they start putting hair gel that the team look glamorous. Or is it too short a game. Is it that we Indians have too much time at hand and unless its complete 8 hours of entertainment, its not paisa wasool.There can be many reasons, but the fact remains not many people watch hockey in India.
Finally your desperate attempt: Hockey is the national game after all .But then as I said, tastes of people evolve, once upon a time people used to like hockey, now they like cricket. As simple as that.Government may decide now that Hockey no longer deserves to be the national game and they make Cricket the national game. But you never know, after all these ICLs , IPLs and what not people might get bored of cricket too, and government may have to make football the national game after 20 years.
Don't you understand that this Hockey vs Cricket argument is as futile as saying why don't big production companies produce movies based on Cannibalism and why do they spend so much money on romantic movies?Or why does government spend so much money on development of tourism in Goa and why not in Jhumritalaya. So what if Goa has beautiful beaches and no one wants to go to Jhumritalaya?
Well nothing against other games.I personally like football much much more than cricket, but there has to be a disparity(determined by market forces) in government spends!

Mar 6, 2008

Van Der Merwe

Today I got this brilliant forward again in my Yahoo mail and while I was getting irritated with the world this made my day. I had read this few years back. And in all these years and among infinite number of forwarded jokes,poems,stories,pictures,songs I have received, this one remains- and by far - the best forward I have ever received.
And I don't mean to infringe any copyright laws but people please bow down to the genius of
The Private Eye - Van der Merwe

But first a Warning.

Restricted : High level bone-chilling Thrill, blood-curdling Violence and hair-raising Sexual innuendos( I have copied this from the amazing warning on this Pulp Fiction DVD I have : Restricted: High level coarse language,medium level violence and drug use.)

Anyway, hold your breath,here it is:

The Private Eye - Van der Merwe

(With that low monotonous Detective voice)

I was sitting in my office when a case came in.
So I finished two bottles from it.

I was tough, so tough I wore my clothes out from the
inside.

Suddenly a tall blonde walked past my window.
I knew she was tall because I was on the second floor.

The phone rang and I knew something was wrong.
I didn't have a phone.

It was a girl and she was in trouble. I knew she was,
'cause she said so.

I raced down the stairs and called a cab. The cab
stopped with a jerk.
Then the jerk got out and I got in.

We took the corner at hundred kilometres per hour, but
a cop stopped us and told us to put the corner back.

We kept on the pavement, because there was a sign that
said:"Keep Death Off Our Roads".

Then we were out of the city. I knew it, because we
were not hitting so many pedestrians.

As we came to her house, she greeted me with a burning
kiss.
Then she Took the cigarette out and kissed me again.

She pointed two thirty-eights at me. She also had a
gun.

She had the most beautiful blonde hair I have ever
seen - hanging from her left nostril.

She had teeth like the ten commandments - all broken.

She also had the most beautiful eyes - so beautiful
that the one eye could not stop looking at the other
one.

There was a man on the floor. He had stab wounds in
his heart, bullet wounds in his head and his wrists
were slashed.
He was dead.

I said: "Lady, if this man was alive, he sure would be
ill".

So I took her for a drive to calm her nerves.

Suddenly a brick came flying through the window and
hit her on the left breast - breaking three of my
fingers.

We had a flat tyre, so I pumped and she pumped and I
pumped. Then we got out and fixed the flat tyre.

Then I took her home and as I was kissing her
goodnight, her father opened the door and stepped on
my back, almost breaking it.

As I was giving her a final good-night kiss, she
closed her legs and broke my nose.

Now I am more careful on my assignments

So which is your favorite line of the story,eh?
I obviously don't read the forwards these days as religiously as i used to and anyway nowadays I find most of them irritating. But then I find lot of stuff irritating these days. And then I wonder Is it me or the world actually has become more irritating?

Take for example this Airtel ad which bombards my TV screen at a frequency of twice every minute,in which two boys play football and this person talks about talking and barriers breaking . Dudes , an advice: Sell your goddamn SIM cards and stop worrying about world peace.It was nice when you started this noble series of ads some years ago but enough is enough. Moreover,this ad is not even shot properly; I can bet millions that the ball which the boy kicked wouldn't cross the fence. So there's the irony : YOU can't even shoot the bloody ad properly and YOU talk of world peace?Take a cue from Hutch.When they thought that the goddamn dog and the goddamn kid had started getting on to the nerves of people they sold themselves to Vodafone and good that the Vodafone asked the goddamn dog and the goddamn kid to fuck off.

Or the way all commentators,news readers, and common people refer to Indian cricket team as Team India! What's more scary is that this "Team" trend is catching up!!Yesterday only, I saw a home delivery guy of this Chinese Restaurant chain - Yo China -wearing a T-shirt which proudly displayed " Team Yo China!".
What now,they'll display a board of "Team Dead" outside the graveyard? Get a life people.

Nowadays they can't even use "la" properly in the songs.
Remember Don't You Forget About Me ( Simple Minds) - Oh my favorite 80s pop song!
It was la, that made the song legendary: " laaaaaa laalalalaa laalalalaa laalaalalaaaa lalaaaaa"
or even Marilyn Manson's Rock is dead ( what a n enlightening use of la it was!!)
Where has the beauty of "la" gone?

Feb 15, 2008

I just absolutely love my speakers

It has nothing to do with the fact that I am drunk.

It has nothing to do with the fact that I am listening to Parting of the Sensory by Modest Mouse which has successfully made an entry into my All Time Favorite Songs List.

Some people with zero aesthetic sense might describe them as 2 beautiful Dildos and a beautiful Shitpot ( I won't lie,even I thought the same when I first saw them).

But the fact remains that they are beautiful and they play freaking amazing sound.

And also that I love Music.

Feb 3, 2008

Living on the edge

Recently when I visited a friend in hospital ( he has broken some bones) , I realized that I never feel out of place or awkward in a hospital. Not that I like visiting hospitals , but its like a visit to any other not so desirable place, say the mess of my erstwhile hostel in Kharagpur. And there's a reason for that .I have been quite literally living my life on the edge ( intentionally or unintentionally).How much my friends might fail to believe, its a truth that I used to lead quite an active lifestyle in my childhood. Come to think of it I have received injuries in every possible place and at every possible place. I have fallen down from stairs - twice and resultantly got my head stitched - twice (once i almost lost my eye). Not to mention those usual falls from the cycles and two-wheelers. Oh and then there have been really freak incidents which might inspire David Lynch.Like this one, on Diwali, when I was standing as far as one can stand after lighting a bomb. And well absolutely no problem with fire or sound, but something flew and hit my forehead and I came to know about it only when i felt the streak of blood ( believe me it was that painless).And yes you guessed it, I received two stitches on my forehead.I have broken bones too.Once while playing cricket, when inspired by Jonty Rhodes, I tried to grab a ball traveling at the speed just below that of sound , and my poor index finger had to bear the brunt of this extreme enthusiasm.
And then obviously this relatively recent one when I broke both Tibia and Fibula of my right leg (Ask me anything about human skeletal system. I am the Master. Ok ,of at least the lower right hand side part). This happened after I fell(flew) down from a bicycle in god knows what spidermanly manner. Believe me there is not a sight more disgusting and scary than watching your right leg barely hanging at an angle of 70 degrees( from the usual position) with a bone almost protruding out. And though it is damn painful, pain is the last thing you are worrying about then.
Now here you have to understand , I am no Samuel L. Jackson from Unbreakable but I am no Bruce Willis either.
All the above incidents have more or less been my own doing.But then, tell me how do you control diseases and fevers and what not.As a kid, I have seen 105 degree fevers and I have seen fevers with absolutely undecipherable sources. I have had syringes inserted on my butt and on my arm countless number of times. Oh imagine a child, say 8-9 years old sitting in a clinic. Nurses are trying to be their motherly/sisterly best talking about Sachin Tendulkar and Madhuri Dixit , trying to divert his attention from the fast approaching syringe. And well the child is thinking, don't act stupid and insert the goddamn thing fast, I have to go home and watch my favourite TV show.That child was me.
Oh and talking about freaky things again. On this one, even Stephen King would be proud. Both of my wisdom teeth were absolutely horizontal (talk about my crooked wisdom). And well the dentist had to hammer them one by one( literally, yes with a hammer) for 1 hour each to get them out ( and well the experience even with anaesthesia, was dreadful) and the pain which lasted for 3-4 days after that is the most I have ever experienced for such a long stretch.
Surprisingly I have never been a victim of more common things like Jaundice or Cavities.

But then, does all the above mentioned stuff justify the title of the post? Probably not. But then I have to add the stuff which I did intentionally. Like all my exciting drunken adventures. I'll write about them someday when I am drunk. Or even non-drunken ones. Like this one when I was pissing inside a tunnel ( midway of the tunnel).And then suddenly a train appeared from nowhere , like a rabbit out of the hat, like a gush of wind , like a zombie in 28 days later, like a moorhiwaala in a Calcutta local train, like this unfortunate attempt at humour in an otherwise drab post. Anyway, I realized then that the tunnel wasn't exactly wide and there was absolutely no space to provide the train a safe passage ( I tell you these gults are crazy, this tunnel was in Vizag). For an athletic person it wasn't much of a problem , he could easily beat the train and come out of the tunnel safely. For limping me ( this incident was only some months after my fracture) , it was a matter of life and death.I somehow managed.Thank God.

And then, I still like Marilyn Manson (I used to worship him,well his music, few years back) and ask anybody, anyone who likes Marilyn Manson is indeed living on the edge. Finally look at my job which evokes such kind of response from other people :" ... its a wonderful thing you are doing for sports.So what's your full time job?"
Do I need to say anything else?

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Joke of the Month(and its not even a joke) : Harbhajan says that I said "teri maa ki.." to Symonds which might have sounded like"Monkey" to him. Oh come on, I don't understand how could have the NDTV newsreader said this with a straight face!

Megadeth is coming to Bangalore. I might not enjoy it as much as I would have few years back but still Dave Mustaine remains one of the best guitarist ever, Holy Wars remains one of the best metal songs ever,Hangar 18 remains one of the best guitar songs ever, Tornado of Souls remains one of the catchiest metal songs ever,Rust in Peace remains one of the best albums ever.

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Jan 8, 2008

Radical Use of Racial Abuse

So again , once again Cricket has become interesting.I somehow feel ICC has this hidden agenda to introduce controversies from time to time so as to make the game more interesting. Hats off to you Mr. Speed.No seriously,hats off to you.Oh, all you hypocrites, won't you wake up 6 in the morning and watch the next India-Australia test ( I know I know you didn't wake up that early for the last test match). No? Then why is that the 10 sec slot on Star Cricket will sell for 75000 instead of 50000.And you say why sledging, why racial abuse(we'll come back to this later), why excessive appealing, why shameless appealing, and well why bad umpiring(we'll come back to this later too).

Now lets talk about the issue at hand.
First of all . Let's celebrate. Now we Indians can feel proud that even we can "racially" abuse Australians!(finally!) Yeah, yeah now all of you will throw ICC encyclopedia at me saying that racial abuse is not limited to colour of the skin but lot of other ethnic factors. But then we Indians weren't aware of that fact( maybe due to our poor ignorant upbringing).Thank you for enlightening us. Now we won't miss any opportunity to "racially" abuse you.
And well I wonder how many cases are pending against fellow school students of Symonds ( you went to a school Andrew didn't you? ) for "racially" abusing him. Oh didn't they call you Monkey Symondy all throughout your school life? Don't lie.Or were you too big for them and they were too scared to tease you ( no wonder Bhajji called you Big Monkey).God is fair after all.If he didn't let you evolve properly, he at least made you bigger. If that's the case congratulations Mr. Symonds for being "The Bully" instead of being "The Tormented". And it seems you have successfully taken your bullying nature to the cricket field. And when a little Sardar tried to raise his voice , he paid the price ( good for him that you couldn't beat him up like you did to your fellow students). You managed to bully even the ICC panel who believed every word of yours like a gospel.
So this is the new knowledge we have gained from Australian players and media. You can call them any name you want ,ranging from a bastard to more colourful ones like mfucker ( oh I heard all of them on TV) but don't dare call Hayden a Wild Boar, Mitchell Johnson a lizard, Ponting a rattle snake or Michael Clarke a parakeet.For that matter don't utter name of any animal on pitch coz somebody might feel racially abused.You never know ,one moment you are praising the Australian team that they fought like tigers and the very next moment you are being banned for 5 test matches. And we as ignorant kids thought that "Kutta" was the safest Gaali to use ;we didn't know that we were racially abusing the other guy!!
And you blind fucking ape ( yes you Bucknor ) now that you have made one of the worst decisions ever made by a professional umpire/ an amateur umpire / any living soul to have done umpiring ( yes I am referring to that horrible Dravid decision), you can feel proud and leave Indian Cricket Team alone.

Enough Ire.

Jan 4, 2008

2007

My friend Bob told me once ...... " The answer, my friend,is blowin' in the wind"
I haven't found the wind yet, but yeah, his music was good.

Yet another year of being clueless, yet being enlightened by Music,Movies, Football, Alcohol and Travel.

So, 2007 was pretty good. 2008 will probably be better.



PS: Ain't the new template smooth!? God bless you stranger.

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Me to my personal Artificially Intelligent buddy, Rocket:  Rocket, can you do this calculation for me. What's 7 + 4? Rocket: Dude, d...