Jan 6, 2007

Interview with the Vampire

The most fascinating aspect of the placements are the HR interviews. This post is dedicated to them. These are some of the typical questions that are generally asked and in this order only:

Why engineering ? ( yup they still ask this...)

The truth : I don't know.
What I want to say : Oh I forgot. You see I have a short term memory. For you it might be only yesterday, for me it was 7 years back!
What I say : I was born to be an engineer! When my chips are down I use nuts and bolts to fix them!!

Why IT ?

The truth : I don't know
What I want to say( to a non IT firm HR manager) : Have you ever worked in an IT firm ? How would you understand what you are missing!
What I want to say( to an IT firm HR manager) : Hey come on!! you should know!
What I say : Look at the growth of Indian IT sector. The sector grows .. the economy grows... the nation prospers. And as they always say engineers should contribute towards the nation, I thought this was my chance which I had been waiting for since I learnt to walk! Here I would like to quote Neil Armstrong , One small step for a man , one giant leap for mankind.

Why MBA?

The truth: I don't know
What I want to say: You tell me.. now that you have come to hire me.And you have to agree the name itself sounds so snazzy.. come on don't be shy say it ... say it with me... MmmmmBA!
What I say: Red Bull doesn't give you wings... MBA actually does!

Why do you want to join this company?

The truth: I don't know
What I want to say: You get paid for asking all this crap!Why wouldn't I like to join?
What I say( relatively big company, a global giant) :I can cut throats to enter your company. Your company is like the sun, showering light all over.
What I say( relatively small company, a supposedly high growth company) :I can cut throats to enter your company. Your company is like the bulb when there is a solar eclipse!

What are your strengths?

The truth : I am too lazy to type that much!
What I want to say: I can lie without blinking an eyelid!Do i need anything else??
What I say: Well where do I begin.. I am the epitome of honesty and integrity , I like the smell of other human beings even when they haven't taken bath for ages and that makes me an excellent team player, I get nervous breakdowns if I am not MADE to work under tremendous pressure and deadlines, and the enthusiasm and confidence that i ooze out might make you blind.

What are your weaknesses?

The truth : You wish!
What I want to say: I can't conceal my hatred towards stupid people. Hey cheer up! you just need some meditation and yoga to improve.
What I say: I am toooo hardworking, I am tooooo brilliant, I am toooo honest, I am toooo ambitious, I am toooo confident, I am toooo enthusiastic.

What do you do in your leisure time / what are your interests?

The truth : I write blogs lambasting these type of interviews.
What I want to say: Stop flirting with me. Your husband/wife is waiting for you back home!
What I say :Oh you should appreciate me how I take out time from my busy schedule to pursue my interests and hobbies. I read everything ,from Tunisian mythology to space time curvatures , I listen to everything ..from Beethoven to modern Jazz , as far as sports are concerned i am more of a outdoor guy but you can quite often catch me indoors playing bridge.

PS: I really love my engineering quote which I wrote above
When my chips are down I use nuts and bolts to fix them!!
I am proud of it!


M B Mahesh said...

A good dedication to himself, 'the man with the most number of shortlists...'

Who else would know better

Anonymous said...

hehe! if only u would speak this much in ur interviews! ;P

u with a thousand shortlists!!

oops!! did i say it worng!! :D

oh and no i m not telling my name!! bt u should know who i am..u better do :P

spark said...

that's cool mr.gupt!

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