Jan 26, 2007

To the spirit of Entrepr...blah( spellcheck: who the fuck coined this idiotic word)

We have a course here called ENVCF( Entrepreneurship and Venture Capital Finance) . Although I haven't taken it , but I get to hear lots of stories about (not so) ingenious business plans presented by budding managers to somehow pass the last term course.So much I would like to mention some of those business plans but I am afraid that somebody might sue me for infringement of IPRs.
But Misra surely won't sue me for that. First let me introduce Misra. Misra is(or atleast was) not exactly wordly smart, he was a wingie of mine at kgp and we used to call him Hallu. Hallu was not a specific nick given to Misra only but it was a part of general lingo there.It derives from the word "hallucination"and is applicable to all those persons who are absent minded,who day dream arbitrarily, shift their energy states within a matter of seconds, may react to things in a totally unbelievable and absurd manner or may not react at all. So this was the time when I was on hospital bed fighting death(ok not exactly) and harbouring my broken leg. And my leg was broken after being ruthlessly thrown off my cycle( BSA Photon) by Madhav aka Bada Ladka( Oh how i love to make him feel guilty!). BTW if you are at Stanford and ask about Bada Ladka this is what people will tell you : He is the cruel bastard who destroyed the exciting career of a budding Tennis/Football star( if you Hallu people are still wondering ,I am talking about me). Not to mention that everybody there maintain safe distance from Madhav.Oh I forgot to mention the ulterior motive of Madhav behind breaking my leg. He wanted to be on Nehru Hall's Tennis team( which obviously in my absence didn't win a single medal for 3 years).
Coming back to the original story -so here i was fighting death and there Misra was- my sweet and caring neighbour putting a notice outside my room- " Manan's recovery fund. Write a well wishing message on room walls and donate 10 bucks."
And when I came back to my room after nearly 2.5 months I was shocked to see the amount of graffiti on my room walls ,not an inch of free space left!( obviously you are not thinking that the graffiti was restricted to Get Well Soon messages). And there was Misra standing, grinning and telling me the number of Beers he drank out of the booty he made!
No wonder when a Prof(!!) came for the general inspection few days later and saw my room this is first thing he said to me - "You know all the rooms were whitewashed only 6 months back. Government money is not your personal piggy bank." I took the safe passage and showed my crutches to him and said i wasn't there in the hostel for last 3 months. I don't know what exactly happened but my neighbour Misra would surely know!! Thank god the prof didn't bother to read those messages.... or maybe he read and was too embarrassed to show that!
Misra is getting married to his kgp sweetheart next month ( and well we attributed most of the haluness of Misra to his romantic endeavors)
Even Borad ( Boraaaa was another wingie) demonstrated his entrepreneurial spirit when he proposed the idea of brewing a new revolutionary kind of beer in the campus itself and the amazing thing is that the great Biotech department was ready to fund it!If only the Electrical department was so open minded I would have invented a time machine!
This is the testimonials season at IIM indore and it was only after i read my Nehru hall testimonials(yet again) that I felt like writing this post. We called them Pink Pages , one obvious reason was that they were printed on Pink coloured pages. But the term Pink Pages is generally associated with ahem homosexual communities.I guess once upon a time some of our seniors during their intimate moments( due to lack of girls, open society back then or whatever) named it Pink Pages and tradition has continued.

Jan 6, 2007

Interview with the Vampire

The most fascinating aspect of the placements are the HR interviews. This post is dedicated to them. These are some of the typical questions that are generally asked and in this order only:

Why engineering ? ( yup they still ask this...)

The truth : I don't know.
What I want to say : Oh I forgot. You see I have a short term memory. For you it might be only yesterday, for me it was 7 years back!
What I say : I was born to be an engineer! When my chips are down I use nuts and bolts to fix them!!

Why IT ?

The truth : I don't know
What I want to say( to a non IT firm HR manager) : Have you ever worked in an IT firm ? How would you understand what you are missing!
What I want to say( to an IT firm HR manager) : Hey come on!! you should know!
What I say : Look at the growth of Indian IT sector. The sector grows .. the economy grows... the nation prospers. And as they always say engineers should contribute towards the nation, I thought this was my chance which I had been waiting for since I learnt to walk! Here I would like to quote Neil Armstrong , One small step for a man , one giant leap for mankind.

Why MBA?

The truth: I don't know
What I want to say: You tell me.. now that you have come to hire me.And you have to agree the name itself sounds so snazzy.. come on don't be shy say it ... say it with me... MmmmmBA!
What I say: Red Bull doesn't give you wings... MBA actually does!

Why do you want to join this company?

The truth: I don't know
What I want to say: You get paid for asking all this crap!Why wouldn't I like to join?
What I say( relatively big company, a global giant) :I can cut throats to enter your company. Your company is like the sun, showering light all over.
What I say( relatively small company, a supposedly high growth company) :I can cut throats to enter your company. Your company is like the bulb when there is a solar eclipse!

What are your strengths?

The truth : I am too lazy to type that much!
What I want to say: I can lie without blinking an eyelid!Do i need anything else??
What I say: Well where do I begin.. I am the epitome of honesty and integrity , I like the smell of other human beings even when they haven't taken bath for ages and that makes me an excellent team player, I get nervous breakdowns if I am not MADE to work under tremendous pressure and deadlines, and the enthusiasm and confidence that i ooze out might make you blind.

What are your weaknesses?

The truth : You wish!
What I want to say: I can't conceal my hatred towards stupid people. Hey cheer up! you just need some meditation and yoga to improve.
What I say: I am toooo hardworking, I am tooooo brilliant, I am toooo honest, I am toooo ambitious, I am toooo confident, I am toooo enthusiastic.

What do you do in your leisure time / what are your interests?

The truth : I write blogs lambasting these type of interviews.
What I want to say: Stop flirting with me. Your husband/wife is waiting for you back home!
What I say :Oh you should appreciate me how I take out time from my busy schedule to pursue my interests and hobbies. I read everything ,from Tunisian mythology to space time curvatures , I listen to everything ..from Beethoven to modern Jazz , as far as sports are concerned i am more of a outdoor guy but you can quite often catch me indoors playing bridge.

PS: I really love my engineering quote which I wrote above
When my chips are down I use nuts and bolts to fix them!!
I am proud of it!

Mind-boggling Science Fiction 3

Me to my personal Artificially Intelligent buddy, Rocket:  Rocket, can you do this calculation for me. What's 7 + 4? Rocket: Dude, d...