I woke up and she died. It always happens: whenever I “do” something someone else gets hurt. Waking up is a big enough thing to kill a person. Well to make it clear to you I am living in a world of “attitude extremism”. While some people are extremely selfish, others are extreme hedonists or extremely jealous or depressed or shy or salacious or complacent etc etc. This attitude extremism occurs at 3 levels. First is the basic level when your attitude can affect your lifestyle or thought process or your health in a drastic way. Second level is more dangerous when you can go to the extent of torturing or even killing yourself or others in order to fulfill your attitudinal desire. Third level is something paranormal when your attitude or thoughts can dangerously affect others without you being directly involved physically or mentally. There are very few cases of the third level. I am one of them. I am an extreme sadist.
I don’t know how or when this behavioral distortion set in the mankind. Some say you get a particular attitude from your genes but nothing has been proved.
Coming back to me; I sleep every night and wake up every morning so you can say I am on a murder spree: my killing rate being 365 per year. And to tell you the truth I can’t help it. Even if I don’t want anybody to get killed when I wake up…it will happen …I have no control over it. And I like it. Remember I am a sadist. And as you might expect it’s always some clean-handed happy person who dies. Either somebody who has won a lottery or got a promotion or got married or just woke up feeling satisfied with his life .If there were more 3rd level people with same attitude as mine there wouldn’t be any single happy soul left on the earth. But that’s not the case .So I guess there aren’t many or maybe I am the only privileged one. It’s not like I target anybody before I go to sleep. It happens automatically. When I wake up and come to know of a death in our neighborhood or read about a death in the newspaper, my sixth sense tells me that it is because of me. Sometimes when there is no one that I come to know who has died I assume that someone has died far away in
One day she came into my life .She was very beautiful and intelligent. When I asked her what was her attitude disorder she didn’t tell me …and I didn’t tell her…it was forbidden to do so. Nevertheless I loved her very much .The only problem was she also loved me very much. For some months our love story went flawless..like a fairy tale. And then my bloody instincts started taking over me. How could she be so happy with me? For once I could not forget my sadism. There had been cases or at least rumors where people had overcome their attitude disorder or still better carried on with “dual instincts.” That in my case could be my usual sadist attitude and my extremes love for her both residing side by side in my brain in a mutually exclusive fashion. But that was not to be. I no longer could tolerate her smiling face. That day I had decided that I would tell her to leave me. But something shocking was about to happen. When I was about to open my mouth to give her the bad news she said that she was leaving me forever and she couldn’t tell why. She couldn’t ,huh.. as if I was a dimwit. She was also one fucking sadist and she wanted to hurt me but alas, she was not aware of my true self! And why should I allow her to have all the fun. So I told her that I was a sadist and that sure must have diluted her fun. She left without a word. But there was no denying the fact that we both truly loved each other.
Days passed. Then I came to know that she was having an affair with some other guy. I spied on them. They both looked happy. I can’t describe how wretched and destroyed I felt. How could she be so happy? But then I thought this was also a temporary phase….she would leave that poor guy too as soon as his happiness went beyond her tolerance level. But what if she had overcome her basic instincts..or what if she had established dual attitudes…No!I couldn’t leave her so happy and satisfied…I would kill that bitch.
This was the first time I was going to murder someone consciously…but I didn’t give a damn. After a little planning I found her alone at night while she was retuning from her work. I caught her by surprise.. grabbed her neck and pressed it so hard …until she choked.
And here I am telling you the story of my life. There’s one more thing that I would like to tell you. That night when I looked at her dead face she was smiling…as if she had died a very contented death. My brain always tells me this...but I don’t want to believe..my mind tells me that she left me because she liked being with me….and maybe ,maybe she liked being killed .My brain always tells me that she was Masochist level 2. And now that I have started believing my brain, my health is deteriorating. How could I hurt someone who liked being hurt! I had never done that. My aim is to make people sad……
Wait a second……you people are taking pleasure reading my sad story….aren’t you…. I’ll stop.