Nov 16, 2006

Lack of ideas

Since I am not feeling sleepy and I want to post something and I don't want to post again on music or movies and I have no better idea, I'll post one of the 9-10 stories which i wrote long time back. I have only 3 of them on my laptop , and if this enthusiasm towards regular blog posting lives on,all 3 of them will be here in some days.Some people here and earlier have already read these stories and their comments necessitate this disclaimer.

Disclaimer : All the stories are in first person but that is because I couldn't think of any good name; Ram,Shyam,Rahul,Gaurav, Tom,Harry,Leonard, Albert, all sound so cheesy.These stories have nothing to do with my personal life experiences or my personal thought processes. And if you think I am being defensive ... Fuck I Care.


Once upon a time I and my friends went trekking.
Everybody thought that it was some hot air balloon. I kept screaming that it was a UFO. When nobody listened to me I alone started running for my life. And so the aliens abducted me. They must have thought that I was playing some cheap trick.
Their spaceship was a big let-down …no air conditioner .. sloppy interiors….no modern computer panels… “How are you mister ?” the alien said to me….

*Wow they are technologically so advanced …they can speak English ..must be using some hi-tech chip in his throat with language manipulation program (LMP) fed in it.*

“Well mister human you getting some wrong ideas ,we aren’t using any technique its just the case that I know English. And now please don’t think that I was mind reading you. It was just a guess.” “Actually some humans taught me English.”

*Humans!!! Shit! Did they abduct anybody before me?? I am not the first one. So I wont be in the limelight.i wont be the centre of attraction when I get back.*

“ Don’t worry Mr. human you are the first one we are abducting.”
“ How did you know what I was thinking surely can read minds!”
“ No.we cant. Actually…..hmmm…Mr. human you might not like it..i feel really bad to say this..but u have a habit of muttering while you think.So I come to know whatever you think.”

*Oh no! I always had this habit! And I didn’t have the faintest idea.Now I know why Mary ran away when she was asking for a date and I was thinking that her breasts had grown really big in the last one year.Then I had thought that she had gone crazy.*

“So if u didn’t abduct anyone how did you come in contact with the humans?”
“ Well you remember the spaceship you sent from earth for Mars mission. You could not get any pictures of us coz we kept hiding from your cameras. We cant show our ugly faces to the whole universe . well that’s a different story but the interesting part is that your spaceship was supposed to be unmanned but these two girls Josie and Frosie sneaked into the rocket due to security lapse and reached mars.”

*Oh! Josie and Frosie…Man!! I had real crushes on both of ‘em…coz both were identical twins. I didn’t eat for 4 days when they suddenly went missing on 14th February. Everybody thought that sharks got them while they were trying to learn swimming in their bikinis…Bloody Greedy sharks.*

“ Don’t mind but your spaceship sucks!”
“Well mr. human we are technologically very backward.This spaceship was also presented by our Jupiter friends. You might not be knowing that people on Jupiter are very simple and not at all fashion conscious..They really don’t know what luxury means and that’s what is reflected in this spaceship.”
“We are so dumb that we couldn't even fly a rocket, but they made it extremely easy for us..look I’ll show you”

“Push button A to take off”
“There's this knob for speed control”
“ There’s this steering wheel just like your cars”
“Push button B for landing”

“So where are Josie Frosie???”
“Well You might not like this… you can see that basically we are ugly creatures….when our people saw josie frosie they were fascinated. They couldn’t believe that something in this universe could be so beauitful. We got this museum of natural sciences.We have kept them there as exhibits where people pay and watch them. If anybody wants to fiddle with them he has to pay some extra bucks…”
“ Oh! You buggers molest those poor girls…you bastards…”
“whats with this Sexual Molestation Josie Frosie also keep on cribbing about that…. I don’t know whats so immoral about sexual molestation….we are proud of our body parts and definitely would love if somebody wants to touch them..or feel them .”

*Ewwww… who would want to touch you slimy filthy creatures.*

“And Mr. Human if I am not wrong Sex is related to whats immoral about it..we consider reproduction sacred..and every martian will do anything to have Sex…its just the case we don’t need two people to reproduce…there is no concept of male or female …We just grow naturally….you know like your concept of fruits growing on trees ..the same way… “

“ So why the hell did you abduct me??”
“ Well…..we came to know from josie frosie that average human life span is 75 earth years….that means they’ll die in about 50 years. We don’t want our children to miss the nature’s ultimate creations . We don’t want to show them only the photographs of these two girls and say that this kind of beauty do exist in universe but we are unable to show it to you….I hope by now you understand what we want you to do….If not then I’ll tell you- we want you to copulate with josie and frosie and produce many more like them.”


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

lol... and hence the disclaimer

Mind-boggling Science Fiction 3

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