Mar 29, 2006

Locomotive Blues

Sounds like a Chuck Berry song ? well its not. Anyway this extremely innovative(:-)) name is for the random experiences I have had during train journeys. And believe me I have traveled a lot by train , many times even on marathon journeys of something like 30 hours and sometimes even alone!
With 7 exams in 3 days-this actually is not a right time to write a blog. But as summer time approaches and people are packing bags for train journeys, I think they'll benefit from my words of wisdom ( doing my bit for corporate social responsibility ).

Its not very difficult to pass time in a train. Just follow the golden rule ( which I always do) sleep for 2/3rd part of the travel and rest of the time you spend listening to music, reading something or eating. So in a 30 hr journey you gotta sleep for 20 hrs.

But you'll not sail smoothly always.Normally I don't like being disturbed until and unless I myself is interested in talking and it becomes difficult when you have a family with small kids sitting anywhere around you.
And the mommy says to her adorable daughter or son( so as they think) : Bhaiya se pucho, kya gaana sun rahe hain. Then I have to listen from a kid how outdated I am in terms of music because I don't have the CD of Kal Ho Na Ho or Bryan Adams with me.
And then mommy says : Bhaiya se yeh puzzle pucho woh bhi nahi bata paaenge ( giving me the hint that I am not supposed to solve the puzzle which the kid asks me)....Ok come on you appreciate the math skills of your son and want to encourage him,it doesn't mean that when he asks me Bhaiya what is 2+2 , I have to say " oh shit I don't know the answer ....hmmm....is it 5?"
And when I bluntly say 4 mommy thinks I am rude but it serves the purpose , I am asked no more puzzles.

Sleeping ,can prove hazardous too! Especially when you are supposed to reach your destination 3.30 A.M. in the night! Once I asked a kind looking lady to wake me up in the morning otherwise I'll miss the station....But the lady was too kind ....she wakes me up at 2.45.. Manan station aane waala hai!....And when you are having the best sleep ever and look at your watch and see that there is still 45 minutes left you ought to get frustrated....and I say " Aunty abhi to 2.45 hi hue hain abhi se kyun utha diya?"
Next time I wake up I see a completely empty coach , time is 3.50 I rush out of the train with the luggage not even wearing my shoes and as soon as I get down train starts moving. Phew!!
Lady was not that kind after all.

Its safe when your station is the last one..but once I woke up when whole of train was empty and train was standing in the yard(seriously!)

Finally the best way to travel is after getting drunk. This was when I was supposed to come from Calcutta to Kharagpur in a local train alone and I was shit drunk. My friends obliged me by buying the ticket and telling me which platform the train was supposed to be. I climbed up in a coach and surprisingly it was empty!( you don't expect empty coaches in a Calcutta local train). I was all sitting pretty when this woman came to me and utters something in Bong. Me in the state of stupor decided to completely ignore her. She seemed a little pissed...she called some other women and suddenly I was surrounded by 3 women all shouting at me. Finally a fourth one came and told me in Hindi " aap ladies compartment mai baitho ho...yahaan se jaao" ( Oh shit! a drunk person in a ladies coach and that too in Calcutta..perfect recipe to get fucked).. anyway I said sorry and moved to another coach.I was about to sleep and asked a person sitting near me to wake me up when Kharagpur comes..and to my horror he said that this train does not go to Kharagpur!! I quickly stepped out and found another train standing on the next platform but this time I wanted to be sure...I went all the way to engine and asked the driver that whether the train will go to Kharagpur.Finally i found a nice place to sleep and a nice person to wake me up!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

funny
where are the regular commentators of this blog ?

Manan said...

who are u Mr. Anonymous?..and y dont u become a regular :-)

Creative-nits said...

nice tips..really informative and entertaining at the same time :)

~me ur junior
Nitin

Ashutosh said...

so ur miserly life continues to run into unwarranted adventures; and ur exuding love for kids very much shows.
neways, u still entertain the crowd :)

Anonymous said...

Greets to the webmaster of this wonderful site. Keep working. Thank you.
»

Mind-boggling Science Fiction 3

Me to my personal Artificially Intelligent buddy, Rocket:  Rocket, can you do this calculation for me. What's 7 + 4? Rocket: Dude, d...